Women’s Center
August 30, 2017
Wednesday
Day 57
My sleep study came back, and I’m waiting on the results. Now we’re doing a drug and alcohol class.
12pm
That was fun. Not. Self-esteem stuff. Now it’s time to go mulch. More fun.
The lady who had a baby a month ago is crying on the phone with CYS an they’re making Chantilly mulch even though she had an allergic reaction to the dye they gave her at the hospital with her MRI/CT scan, so they gave her a bunch of Benadryl. She looks half dead. She says Mr. Big needs to choke and die. And Tori’s the opposite today, because she had a sex dream about Mr. Big last night, so she’s following him around drooling like a dog in heat.
Drama, drama, drama.
Jesus God. People are being so mean to ChoMo. I’m so sick of hearing that word that I’m going to have to change her name–it’s slang for Child Molester. I thought it was funny at first, but now the bullying is so bad that it is definitely NOT funny anymore. I feel like it’s taken on the viciousness of the N-word, which I do not say. I guess I’ll name her…Elaine. Pubescent volatility–that’s what I’ll call what’s going on here. I feel like she’s a new version of Chantilly–child-like, compulsive liar, multiple personalities. I feel like no matter what she did, she deserves to be treated like a human. People are nice to Old Toothless, for God’s sake, and she burned her house down with her husband in it.
I’m reading my book again. This is some more stuff I can relate to: “…bad advice increases the sense of being crazy and out of control. It adds to the burden of feeling they are mourning all wrong, that they are violating the customs of this alien land without knowing how to do it right and certainly not having the power to do it differently.
Stages of Mourning
THE HOUR OF LEAD
This is the hour of lead
Remembered if outlived
As freezing persons
Recollect
The snow–
First chill, then stupor, then
The letting go.
–Emily Dickinson
“Books and groups of other bereaved parents provide an anchor. It is reassuring to see that others are indeed experiencing the same violent, chaotic emotions. A few souls wander this barren desert together.”
7pm
NA meeting: Easy does it, but do it. Honesty, Openmindedness, and Willingness.
Freedom from Ourselves
One of the NA members’ kids is doing cartwheels outside. I feel bad for her. Her mother is a monster to her, which is hard to find in NA. Most are completely reformed people in every way–good people.
“Practicing a better way of life by living according to Spiritual principles will eventually have an effect on our thinking.”
“We sometimes encounter remarkable coincidences in our lives that have no rational explanation.”
“Religion is for people who are scared to go to Hell. Spirituality is for people who have been to Hell.
- I can’t
- He can
- I think I’ll let him
“The longer we stay clean, the more evident it becomes that our addiction runs much deeper than drugs.”
Real life truly is excruciating. That’s all I have to say about that.
Leave a comment