Love, Justine

Women’ s Center

Day 56 

August 29, 17

Tuesday

We’re going to Coudersport to do some running around, I have to get bloodwork and go to the Courthouse to file that paperwork on Tiger.

Of course Old James was in the Courthouse. He’s having trouble with his heat, poor guy. He’s a 72-year old guard who I used to live with before this nightmare. At least he’s still got a job. I feel bad I’m costing him money because my cats are there. I wish I could help somehow. He told me to take care of myself. I told him to do the same. 

6pm

AA stepwork now. No meeting again tonight. Third day in a row. I do like meetings I hate just reading out of the book. I hate not having cigarettes. I hate not seeing my therapist. Pray for patience and tolerance, she says, and stay away from the “fuck it’s.” 

Good advice. 

The lady they shipped in to teach us the steps of AA is named Tina. Maybe I’ll ask her to be my sponsor. 

“Don’t self-sabotage”

“Lead by your actions”

“When you get out, you want to be the best person that you can be”

I haven’t talked to Chantilly much today. She sticks pretty much with Munchie now. Probably because I’m so gloomy. I need more sleep. I’m exhausted.

Tina has the weirdest hair. Pixie cut with a braided rat tail. Hm.

P. 417 Acceptance

“And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, or thing, or situation–some fact of my life–unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake. 

Unless I can accept life on life’ s terms, I cannot be happy, basically. 

I cannot be happy. 

Shakespeare said, “All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players.”

Tina: Consequences teach us how to be who we intend to be: human beings of love and light.”

“You’re giving up on you. And you’re worth not giving up on.”