Love, Justine

May 11, 2024

Muncy State Prison

Saturday

Blog #4

Neither Here Nor There: Musings from the Other Side (of the Razor Wire Fence)

Welp, still here at Muncy, and because I feel like it, here’s an entire blog of dirty and/or inappropriate stuff. It’s ribbed, for your pleasure.

You’re welcome.

Daisy is measuring her release  date time by her menses. She has 15 periods left before she gets paroled. Raja, on the other hand, is having her period, and just remarked that there is a serial killer in her underwear. Jason Kelce was recently quoted in People magazine about not wearing underwear with, “I find it unnecessary and problematic to the freedom that my boys like to enjoy.”

Fun fact: Daisy doesn’t wear underpants either.

In other news, I’m gassy and it’s gross. 

Ever farted in front of 50 people? Everyone looks around and tries to fine the culprit  like they’re in kindergarten–”EW! Who farted??”

Over here. It’s me. I’m the problem, it’s me.

Meanwhile, the neighbors are insulting each other again. This time it’s: “You look like my ass without lotion,” and “You look like a long-titty-no-nipple-havin’-ass-bitch!”

Oh my stars, as Kimberly would say.

In other news, Daisy and I were talking about dating Black men, and I recounted a story about the first Black man I dated, when I was 19 and in college. He had the whitest name ever–Robert–and he sold a magazine where I worked as a bookstore clerk. He would buy me Boone’s Farm drinks and I would get drunk at his apartment where there was black shag carpeting and an entirely glass coffee table. When I broke up with him, he couldn’t believe it. He looked at me, aghast, and said incredulously, “But I licked your butthole!” I had no idea that asshole lickery had bonded us for life. I thought the man had just lost his way.

Silly me.

When Daisy dated her first Black man, they went to see the Exorcist, and to hear her tell it, the theater was so cold that her nipples were hard so she tried to cuddle up to this guy, but she couldn’t get too close because his breath was so bad. “He had a turd in his cheek!” she shrieked, and then fell over on her bed laughing. “Never again,” she declared.

This started a sex-story-athon, so next, my first husband apparently thought I wasn’t very good at blow jobs, because he bought some DVD when I was 20 to teach me the ABC’s of giving head.

The nerve!

It featured real couples and also featured some of the least sexy sex I had ever seen. Some of these couples had to be 60 years old, with mom-bods and beer guts galore. “Oh, that’s hot,” I thought, and proceeded never to give him a blow job again.

 Daisy then told me about some porn she saw where a woman had a ton of sex toys up in her vagina. She was like, “She had the Mary Poppins of pussies! Like–just when you thought she was done, out comes another one!”

Then she asked her boyfriend, Wizard, to look up Urban Sex Positions for entertainment while she was incarcerated, and he came back with “The Minivan.”

Soooooooooo….you’ve heard of “The Shocker,” right? Two in the pink and one in the stink? Okay, so this one is two in the front and FIVE in the back, like a freakin’ minivan!

“What, you just punch them in the butthole? I asked, mouth agape. She shrugged and said nonchalantly, “Some people like being fisted.”

Ew.

Then we got into a conversation about men on meth who want to fuck for six hours straight with their “al dente” dicks and to butt stuff, but never get off.

Boy, do I not miss THOSE days.

*sigh*

Good times.

Like I said, you’re welcome.

And who farted?