Love, Justine

4/2/23 Sunday 10:30am

I never got up this morning to take meds or clean the bathroom. I feel bad, but at the same time I’m having trouble caring.

News—

–Census says rural America is growing for the first time in a decade

p. 19 “According to quantum theory, as long as a photon or electron isn’t being observed, it acts like a wave. One feature of waves is that they spread out in all directions; there is no pinpoint location for a photon when it is in its wave-like state. Yet, as soon as a photon or electron is observed, it behaves like a particle, displaying a specific location along with other features like charge and momentum.”

“This world is a human world…the world apart from us does not exist. It is a relative world, depending for its reality upon our consciousness.”

                   –Rabindranath Tagore, in a July 14, 1930 conversation with Albert Einstein in Germany. He is an Indian poet, philosopher, and musician.

p.25 “The most fantastic of possibilities, that we are the creators of reality, is no longer fantastic. After all, belief and disbelief are human creations, too.”

3:45pm I just had a mock parole interview with a lady that works in the law library. I’m exhausted.

She says I don’t make eye contact enough.

I’m not surprised.

We’re still locked down.

6:15pm CO Andrews just walked by the cell and wished me good luck at parole in the morning. She said, “You’re a good inmate. You have nothing on your record.”

Thanks.

I’ll put that on my resume.

Ugh.

New study: Half of all parents in America with adult children are helping them pay their bills right now.

Dismal.

p. 75 “For eternally and always, there is only one now, one and the same now; the present is the only thing that has no end.

                   -Erwin Schrodinger

6:45pm

Apparently this lockdown is because the CO died, in order to “give the other officers a break,” according to the CO that’s on. Sassypants accurately pointed out that nobody gives a shit when one of us dies.

So, in order to “give the CO’s a break,” 800 women have to be in their cells, which have no running water or toilets, no showers, no microwave, no checking your messages, no Day Room, no Yard.

No nothing.

Why are we being even further punished? Aren’t we punished enough?

On the radio:

“Sometimes I’m in a room where I don’t belong, and the roof is on fire and there’s no alarm, and the walls are melting too. How ‘bout you?

–Shinedown

p. 94 “It’s well known that traumatic experiences cause time to slow down. Subjects report that in the midst of battle or during a car crash, everything moved in slow motion. In sports, the concept of ‘being in the zone’ is an altered state where the player can do no wrong, where everything meshes perfectly, and in addition, the world grows silent and time slows down. Athletes report being in a kind of dream state divorced from everyday reality.”

Zi says she has “roadkill booty,” because her farts smell like roadkill. Sassypants is in the hallway with her shirt over her face screaming, “My roommate forted (this is how she pronounces farted) and it stinks in there!!”