May 9th, 2018
Wednesday
Day 310
1pm
Nothing bad has happened so far. I wonder if it will. Drug and Alcohol lady is here. She always seems uncomfortable, not matter what she is talking about, with nervous laughter between every sentence.
Seven Qualities to look for in a sponsor
- They are happily sober
- They are not sexually attractive
- They listen more than they talk
- They display a positive attitude
- You met them at a meeting
- They have enough time
- You don’t dread contacting them
Uh oh. This has turned into a nasty bitch session.
Gawd.
Does this lady have anything for us to actually do?
Omg.
Now Jo stomped out of the room and is yelling at the staff.
Cool.
All the lady said was, “Well, that didn’t go as planned.”
This whole day has been a shit show bitchfest. This lady is so unprofessional. She’s getting involved in the arguments that went on here this morning about people tattling on each other and coffee getting dumped out and other petty shit like that.
What the fuck.
I guess we’re not going to a meeting tonight either. Funny how they take AWAY our recovery when we get in trouble.
We’re all being punished because of Tori and Harley “fraternizing?” Omg this lady is pissing me off. This hour can’t go fast enough. I’m going to start reading my Living Clean book. Now we’re talking about Mr. Big making the rules up as he goes along. We’re literally doing nothing. I need a damn nap. I have a headache because of this new antiviral med for Hep C.
We almost got smoking taken away from us this morning because Big took away some of the resident’s first break because they didn’t get up on time today, and they decided to throw a bitch-fest about it.
Smart move.
So then Big says that if we’re not grateful for smoking, he’ll just take it away altogether.
Omg. (eye roll)
This lady just called the staff here unprofessional.
Sheezus.
Now she’s saying she’s going to call someone about the grievance procedure here. She’s in way over her head. Now we’re talking about people not following the dress code–WHAT?! Jo still hasn’t come back. Now Drug Lady wants to know how the phone calls and internet access goes here. What’s her deal? Now they’re bitching about the food here–UM–compared to jail food, this place is the Taj Mahal! I can’t believe Drug Lady gets paid for the residents to bitch at her about how bad it sucks here. Jolene is complaining that when the staff found dope in her clothes and shit she brought in that she got written up for contraband.
Um……………..what did she expect to happen??
Now we’re bitching that Kat made a face at Jo when Jo was being a bitch, and Big’s response was, “Oh, did she hurt your feelings?”
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand now we’re back to fraternizing.
Sorry–but if I have to suffer through it, so do you. When got a new woman in and guess who it is? Fuking Ike’s ex-Sugar Momma. GREAT. Then she’s spouting garbage about how, “If me and Justine had met under different circumstances [fucking the same dude], who would have been homies.”
Oh yeah?
I beg to differ, lady, but whatever.
So this lady hands out one one page paper and that’s it. We are now officially counselled about drugs and alcohol.
“I’m upset FOR you guys! That’s understandably upsettable!” she says. People keep suggesting to Jo that she should ask me for help with rewriting an essay that Big won’t accept on “Personal Responsibility.” Maybe we’ll work on that instead of listening to this bullshit.
Personal Responsibility
–what personal responsibility means to me
–what accountability means to me
–how can I be personally responsible for my actions
–admitting wrongs
–making amends
–fixing the situation
–wrap it up (conclusion)
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand we’re still talking about nothing.
3pm
That shit lasted for TWO hours!
Okay, onto my Living Clean book: “Making peace with loss is one way we learn acceptance.”
“Learning about acceptance, love, and compassion helps us to accept ourselves without conditions.”
9pm
The meeting was good. I ate too much candy. I wore my high-heeled boots and we walked, so my feet are sore.
Worth it.
Jolene is so funny–on the way back I overheard her talking about me wearing heels everywhere and she said, “Ha! She probably walks funny in sneakers!”
Funny.
In other shocking news–freaking Tori slept with Bill at work! In a car! I can’t believe it! Here she is drooling over Harley at every meeting, so much that it got her in trouble, and then she goes and sleeps with some other guy! Who’s not even good looking!
I really think her bipolar meds need adjusting. Sugar Momma seems to be adjusting well. She’s here not because of drugs, but because she cussed out a Zito Media representative on the phone and made terroristic threats toward her!
Omg!
Talk about multiple personalities–she calls her alter-ego gangster personality Harley and swears she can’t control it…or her…or whatever.
9:30pm
I tried to call Elizabeth, my twin sister, and she didn’t answer, so I called her ex-husband, Stryder and he told me that she’s back to her regular self. I wonder what she’ll think of my letter. I guess she has her son back with her now too and she’s being really mean to everybody again. I talked to my mother after that, and she said that my boys were doing fine and that she hadn’t talked to Elizabeth.
I still can’t believe Tori slept with Bill.
Yuck.
And WHY?
I still have a headache–time for sleep.
Peace out.
May 10th, 2018
Thursday
Day 311
6:30am
I am not loving this new medication–Mavret–it gives me headaches and makes me even more tired. Let’s see what pearls of wisdom Our Daily Bread has today:
“Love your enemies.” –Matthew 5:44
“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven.” –Matthew 5:3
Paul believed that in the hard times, God is at work, “achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.” –vv. 17-18
8am
Drama drama drama. I guess Sandra is starting drama–she woke Jolene up at 6am in a not-very-nice way, and Jolene was pissed. I do believe that Sandra had good intentions and that she wanted to wake her up early so that she didn’t miss first cigarette break, but she does seem like she’s overstepping boundaries a bit. I guess we’ll address it in Community this morning. No Mr. Big today–I guess he had an appointment. Then Sandra wouldn’t even eat at the breakfast table this morning and she cried when she told me about it. We’ll see what happens. Now Sandra is refusing to join the Community circle.
Hm.
“To wait for someone else, or to expect someone else to make my life richer, or fuller, or more satisfying, puts me in a state of constant suspension; and I miss all those moments that pass. They never come back to be experienced again. –Kathleen Tierney Crilly
“A loving God replaces those defects with quality attributes.”
Philanthropy–a person with a love of humankind
Hope–a change in direction
“The world will not be saved by the internet. The world will be saved by the human spirit.”
Human spirit: the elevation above ourselves
We should be morally committed to be the healer of the world.
“Where there is love of humankind, there is love of healing.” –Hippocrates 2400 years ago
12pm
Went to do Community Service at the Community Building–I got some good new clothes! Thanks, Big, for approving my request! My feet are killing me. I get to miss Nutrition Class today because I have a dentist appointment. Yay for real–I hate the teacher of the Nutrition Class–she’s imperious and rude. Big did not come in today.
Shocker.
At Community this morning, I made a little speech about giving people the benefit of the doubt, and being kind to one another because we all have to live together and the tension level has been unacceptable around here lately.
I hope it sinks in.
2pm
I’m riding back from the dentist with the funniest guy I’ve met since John died. Clever, I’ll name him–he’s hilarious! He’s always got a smart crack that makes me laugh. I guess his son’s a body builder. He used to be a maitre’d at a Playboy Club! He started dating a bunny and it ruined his marriage. What a story!
3pm
Back at the Center. I stole a Reader’s Digest–let’s see what it has to say:
“I just want to be as happy as a character in the first half hour of a horror movie.” –Twitter
“You can start having an impact on your immediate environment. Be kind, listen, have goodwill. It has a ripple effect. I’ll start there.” –Gal Gadot
“What money does is magnify you…Money gives you a chance if you’re a slob to be a big slob. On the other hand, if you’re inclined toward doing good things, it gives you the power to do a great many things.” –Warren Buffet
Ha! There’s a picture of two cats, one with a sign behind him that says, “I eat the plants and throw them up.” The sign in front of the second cat says, “I eat the throwup.”
Oh gross–the next article is about cooking things in the microwave, and one of the foods is a live lobster!!
Ugh.
What an awful way to die. Boiled from the inside out.
We’re sitting around watching an old movie called, “Clean and Sober” for group. Sandra’s company line for everything is, “Why do I have to do this? I’m not an addict!”
Annoying.
Wow–four drug-free ways to ease arthritis–grass-fed meat, going gluten-free, capsaicin applied topically, and probiotics.
Hm.
Controlled sleep deprivation can be used to treat depression.
Huh. Sounds awful.
Here’s a funny one: Sign outside of a British pub: “Do not drop your cigarette ends on the floor, as they burn the hands and knees of customers as they leave.”
10pm
The meeting was good. Mr. Big wasn’t there–I guess he had some dental work done today. Nikolai was there, though, with a new guy who looked High and said that he was from Elmira. I’m worried about her. Apparently something bad happened between her and Sugar Daddy, because she’s going to be staying at the Center again for a few days with her baby, Temperance, until she can get a place of her own in Roulette.
Back to my Reader’s Digest–there is an article in here about acquired savant–people being able to do extraordinary things after a traumatic brain injury.
Huh.
Who’da thunk?
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