MUNCY STATE PRISON
January 28th, 2025
Tuesday
8:24am
Lockdown.
I let Daisy read Zuko’s letter to me. I don’t know if that was wise. She thinks I should stop everything with her. She thinks Zuko would be vindictive if it ended.
But what, in reality, can she do to me? She can’t take my date [for leaving the prison], and should I be basing decisions on what might happen if something else happens?
I don’t think so.
I like Zuko a lot, and she hasn’t given me a reason to be concerned. She is a little mean sometimes when other people are around, but doesn’t that come with the territory? She’s not mean to me. Are these red flags that I’m ignoring? I love Daisy and I respect her opinion, but she’s a “people generally suck” kind of person. I’m a “people are generally good” kind of person, and that’s not going to change. If I was listening to my heart I would keep things the same with Zuko, so that’s what I’m going to do.
My stomach is fucked up today, and was yesterday too.
It’s gross.
January 29th, 2025
Wednesday
11:55am
Zuko said I looked pretty today. That felt good. I like the way she makes me feel. I haven’t felt sexy in a very long time.
My stomach is still fucked. It’s gross.
I had the poop talk with Superman. He’s been constipated, so I talked to him about listening to his body and going when he has to go and stuff. Weirdly, it felt good to have a “Mom” conversation with him, even though it was about poop.
2:37pm
Zuko wrote me:
Hi 😀
I figured I’d write you now so you have something to read whenever you’re awake. I hope you feel better; I really wish there was something I could do to help…especially that hour of relief thing 😉. (I had told Zuko that after sex, I get an hour of relief from the lupus pain from the endorphin rush 🙂.) I’m gonna miss you while you’re sleeping this off. I’ve gotten used to spending my time with you and hanging out. I really enjoy your company and our new activity 🙂. I like what we’ve got going on, our friendship means a lot to me too. I am also thoroughly enjoying myself. It’s been really nice the past few days getting closer to each other. 😀 Thanks for elaborating about how you feel in general and about me, you’re very hard to read sometimes.
Me: “You wanna be my makeout buddy? 😀
You: “Yes.” 😐
Lmao.
It’s good to know you’re enjoying yourself and find me sexy. I love kissing you and touching you. I REALLY wish we had more alone time, but I’ll enjoy 10 seconds at a time. You feel so good and I want more. Stupid fuckin prison and their damn rules. Let me live my life! I just wanna get gay with my friend! 🤪
For real, though, I’d love to get some time together so we could take our time enjoying each other. Fuck Jail Jeff and his minute man shit, I want you to feel amazing as long as possible, til you can’t take it anymore. I wanna learn everything that turns you on and I wanna get you off over and over again. 🙂We’ll fuck the lupus right out of you.
Lmfao.
I need sleep.
I’ll write more tomorrow. I hope you’re sleeping well and feel better soon. Cinnamon was way too excited to give you the book list note, lol. They’re books, it wasn’t a love letter. I just didn’t want to wait and forget. I scribbled out the word “lesbian” in case any of them read it and them would ask a million questions and give you shit. Good night. Good morning 🙂. You’re welcome for last night’s nonsense writing. Lol. I don’t fuck, that’s very impersonal. Anyway! I hope you’re feeling better today 🙂 In response to some of what you wrote: you wouldn’t have noticed my interest in you before–I was spoken for and I’m not a cheater. Plus I’m very respectful of women and don’t stare. You have beautiful blue eyes, and I know you don’t like it, but I like your dark hair. 🙂 And no, I’m not looking to be dating anyone anytime soon, but thanks for being understanding. I’m perfectly happy right now with you 🙂. So, like, I know you do the open relationship thing (which I don’t understand, but I’m cool with you doing that), but can you let me know if you wanna fuck around with someone else in here please? I’ll do the same. But, like I said, I’m perfectly happy with what we’ve got going on right now. 🙂
Okay, you’re being impatient and want me to give this to you, so I will 🙂
Plus it’s almost time for everyone to get the fuck outta here, so hopefully we can meet up soon. I need to get my hands on you and feel your lips and hips against mine. 🙂
I wrote Zuko back:
Hi 🙂
I do feel better today, thank you. And thank you for the nonsense writing, that was my favorite part of your letter. I want you something fierce, I know what you mean about wishing we had more time–I do too. I feel like I can’t get enough of you. Every time we’re together I can’t wait until next time. Needless to say, I really enjoy your company too. I can still taste you and I like it. Yeah, you’re right, fuck Jail Jeff and his minute man shit, I want to spend huge amounts of time with you. Until we’re both exhausted and need to sleep. I love it when you kiss me and touch me, it feels so good and I want a lot more. All of the time. I’m not going to fuck around with anyone else, I can tell you that right now. This is too good. In the extremely unlikely event that I was thinking about it, I would tell you out of respect. But I’m telling you–if Angelina Jolie walked into BB today, I would choose you. I think we have a really good connection, and I don’t want to fuck that up. And I’m going to hold you to the whole “fucking the lupus right out of me.” I know it would be amazing. The way you kiss me…I know the rest would be amazing. I can’t get enough of you, did I say that? 🙂Thank you for saying that my eyes are beautiful and that I looked pretty today. I almost never feel pretty anymore. Unless you’re looking at me. You make me feel gorgeous and sexy. Especially when you’re really close to my face lol. I get lost in your eyes and it’s hard for me not to stare. Now I’m gushing, so I’m gonna stop.
6:07pm
Martha got paroled today, so she’ll be leaving soon. Daisy is tense around me since I’ve been spending so much time with Zuko. She didn’t even go to dinner tonight.
January 30th, 2025
Thursday
12:53pm
I think about Zuko a lot now. Not that there’s much else to think about. She asked me yesterday if anybody knows about us and I lied and said no. Daisy knows, and so does Stryder. I just couldn’t keep it to myself.
First lie.
Ugh.
I couldn’t lie to Daisy, though. She already knew anyway. I mean, she figured. We spend an awful lot of time together. Zuko looked into my eyes for a minute after she kissed me today, and I thought she was going to say, “I love you,” but she didn’t. I said, “What?” and she said, “Nothing.”
I love her.
The other day when she gave me some Tylenol because I didn’t feel good, she paused before she gave it to me and said, “How much do you love me?”
I looked her straight in the face and said, “I love you.”
“I know,” she said.
3:43pm
Somebody walked in on us kissing today.
Jesus Christ.
I really couldn’t care less, but she freaked out, telling the woman, hissing at her, really, “YOU DIDN’T SEE ANYTHING!!” urgently. I rolled my eyes and walked out. I know it’s a big deal because it’s prison, but I also feel like kissing is normal human behavior.
God, I wish we weren’t in prison.
I can’t wait to get whatever she wrote me.
I’m spending all of my time with her, and Daisy seems pissed about it and won’t eat with us anymore. Then, when I got back to the cube, we got some paper on how we’re not supposed to hang out in the bathroom.
Fuck my life.
Snow Bunny has been complaining about it–loudly. Listen, Miss–it’s not my fault you got separated from your girlfriend. Leave me alone.
Paul wrote me:
Hi Babe,
Here are some of my most recent pictures, mostly Fishmas pictures, and one of me from the holidays, and AI pictures of you, including the famous “Unicorn Goddess Jess” picture.
There is also the start of a new story we can exchange and add to. I want to remind you again that I love you so much, admire everything about your existence, and always relish just interacting and knowing you.
I love you always.
Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Paul
Zuko wrote me:
Hey 🙂
So I remembered what I was supposed to forget Wolf said, so I’m writing it down for: she was looking at some sort of info sheet about her new dentures and naming the types of teeth and what they do (ex: molars→chew) and she was asking about canines, so I said they’re the pointy side ones, and she’s like “those aren’t listed.” Smith and I were like why TF not, so she looks at the paper and she points it out to her, and she’s like, “Ohhhhhhhh…with a C, I was looking for a K. I thought it was spelled K9.” 😐 *sigh* No dude, and God help you.
Anyway, it’s late and I need sleep. I had a really nice day with you. 🙂
Hi again 🙂I’m sleepy today. I kinda wanna snuggle up with you and kiss you…and then nap together. How do you feel about cuddling? You’re hard to read. I have to trust you enough to be vulnerable like that. Based on what you wrote and you saying you wouldn’t kick me out, I feel like you’d be alright with it. 🙂
Me: “You wanna cuddle and fall asleep in each other’s arms?”
You: “Okay.” 😐lol. I’m gonna nap. I miss you. K. Bye.
Okay, so you like cuddling, so that’s good. 🙂*sigh* Idk, I know we started as friends, cuz we get along really well. Like I said, I wanted to be able to write you when you leave, and that was a few weeks ago. And then we decided to be makeout buddies, “no gay stuff.” But this has been really amazing and I wanna do more than just kiss you. Idk…I don’t want to do anything that you aren’t comfortable with. I like being really close to your face too. You feel so fuckin good and I love kissing you and touching you. You are beautiful and sexy AF I want more of you. I can’t help it. #SorryNotSorry. I love looking into your eyes, especially right before and after we kiss. 🙂mmm. I need more of you. I want you to interrupt all of the awesome shit I do (except eating or sleeping) so we can spend time together. I need sleep. Don’t run off on me when I’m trying to brush my teeth in the parking lot and then lay on you 😛I’m fine with you not approving of the drunk handsy guy, he was gross and drunk and rapey. You’re pretty even when you wake up with no makeup and look all sleepy. 🙂
Good morning again 🙂I promise to give this to you today, sorry for being slow. I really wanted to jump in the shower with you, but stopped myself. That needs to be planned out a lil bit better. And not when we have a female CO that can walk in whenever. This fuckin lady. 🙄Her “loud” voice is like a man. You can be loud and not be a man.
Ugggg. Fuck today. You interrupted that to hang out and since then, I’ve gotten this shitty new cellie, we got no alone time, except for that three seconds when we got caught 🙁*frump sigh* That was my fault for not being quicker, but NO ONE was coming our way when I looked. That girl just lives close and walks fast. I’m sorry. 🙁And now we got these stupid fuckin Unit Guidelines about not hanging out in the bathroom, so that’s that. 🙁I simultaneously wanna hug you cuz I need some comfort and kiss and touch you cuz you’re sexy AF and we haven’t really gotten any time together today. You’re fuckin hot and I can’t stop thinking about you and everything I wanna do with you. The way you look at me sometimes, fuck, it’s difficult to pretend we’re just friends. I wanna run my fingers through your hair, past your ear and down along your neck, tracing a path down your body for my mouth to follow, kissing you gently…
Idk if I should continue…it’s getting more than a titch gay…
I wrote her back, but gave it to her before I could write it down in here. I said she doesn’t make me uncomfortable and I want more of her too, I just don’t see how that’s going to happen.
February 1st, 2025
Saturday
4:13pm
Zuko noticed that Daisy doesn’t want to eat with us and is hurt/pissed about it because I wouldn’t tell her why.
Now things are weird.
The truth is it’s because Daisy thinks Zuko is mean–that’s what Daisy says anyway. I think it’s more like Daisy defended me as straight for months while everyone was talking about us being together and she’s more than a little homophobic.
That’s what I think.
4:20pm
Officer Dickeydo just announced that there is an inspection coming up, and we all have to put a fourth locker in our cells.
Great.
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