Love, Justine

MUNCY STATE PRISON

February 2nd, 2025

Quote from Michael Robotham in “Good Girl, Bad Girl:”

“People who lost children have their hearts warped into weird shapes. Losing a child is beyond comprehension. It defies biology. It contradicts the natural order of history and genealogy. It derails common sense. It violates time. It creates a huge, black, bottomless hole that swallows hope.”

I love that quote.

I have to write Paul back. He wrote me the beginning of a story that I’m meant to finish:

1/20/25

“The bright noon sun released its rays onto the frigid snow once the clouds vacated their coverage of the sky. The light reflected off of the crisp snowflakes individually, dotting the white landscape with a seemingly endless field of jewels of all different colors.

A hot mist of breath burst from Jenna Kensington’s mouth as she walks back from her apartment, a 500 square foot studio on the fourth floor of a high-rise apartment building on Main St. With the breath snaking its way through the air and vanishing, another breath emerged from her mouth. The temperature was at zero, and any damp warmth from any source escaped as hot vapor, inevitably reaching its death as it disappeared into the air.

As she finally approached her building, she was greeted by the doorman, Rexford Dish. 

“You’re lucky you’re not a chipmunk, Jenna.”

Jenna looked at Red and rolled her eyes with annoyance, knowing that Rex would most likely keep her from getting out of the extreme cold until she listened to whatever stupid punchline he was about to come up with at the moment. As the doorman, his sense of humor was the key to the building for not only her, but most of the residents as well.

“Oh? Why is that, Rex?”

He responded with a smirk, “Because you would be freezing your nuts off!”

Jenna stopped in front of Rex and gave him an all-inclusive scowl complete with narrowed eyes, flared nostrils, and a furrowed brow. Her facial expression indicating without words that the joke was really dumb, that she was freezing and would die soon, and that if she didn’t get inside in the next ten seconds she would charge through Rex with the strength of a hairless wooly mammoth. 

Rex received the message loud and clear and opened the door for Jenna. 

“Thanks.” 

She responded with a harsh tone and a scoff, and it was all the politeness she had at the current moment. 

Rex followed her inside to the warm lobby. The lobby was decorated with a few fake floor plants, and a pair of paintings, one of the beach, and one of a tropical forest. The floors, walls, and ceiling were all very clean and polished, and most importantly, the air around her was toasty and inviting, a welcome contrast to the ninth level of hell she had just escaped from. “Sorry, Jenna, I guess today isn’t really the time for jokes.”

Jenna looked at him with astonishment and responded with the sharpest punch of sarcasm, “Do you think so?”

THE END

My return story:

Rexford wondered what on earth could be wrong with Jenna for her to be so snippy. Outside, the sparkling snow fell gently to the ground, in contrast to the storm raging in Jenna’s eyes. 

“How was your day?” Rex asked tentatively, hoping to mend the rift between them.

Jenna fairly exploded, “I just had to spend three hours outside in the sub-zero temperatures to cover an ice-fishing tournament, and my deadline is this afternoon! My entire body is frozen!”

Rexford, taken aback, wondered what he could do to help. He knew Jenna was working in a fast-paced environment at a demanding newspaper, and that deadlines loomed large over Jenna’s life.

“Maybe you could take a hot bath,’ Rex suggested feebly, hoping to be of some assistance.

“I don’t have time for a bath!” Jenna exclaimed, exasperated. Almost immediately, she softened, and then said, “I’m sorry I’m taking this out on you. I’m just frustrated. Maybe you’re right. I do have some time…” She trailed off, considering. Then she brightened. “When is your break? Do you want to come up for some hot cocoa?”

Rex checked his watch, “It’s actually right now. I’d love to.” He was relieved that Jenna was in better spirits. They had been friends for a long time, and he was fond of Jenna. Besides that, he found her incredibly attractive, and had secretly always wanted more than a platonic friendship with her. “Good,” Jenna said, “It’s settled then.”

They headed to the elevator, and Rex pushed the “four” button. Jenna looked at Rex and smiled her signature half-smile. He thought there was something like a sparkle in her eye, and he wondered what that was about.

When they reached her floor, Rex dutifully followed Jenna to her apartment. She unlocked the door and swung it wide, revealing her somewhat unkempt living room, with piles of papers and books everywhere. “Sorry, it’s a little messy,” Jenna said, and waved her hand dismissively. She shed her coat and scarf and Rex did the same. 

TO BE CONTINUED…

Sent 2/6/25

February 3rd, 2025

Monday

Zuko wrote me:

Hey Beautiful 🙂

I had a nice day with you…I always have a nice day with you 🙂. I saw you right after I got up from my nightmares, and you said, “Good morning Sunshine,” and smiled your pretty smile at me. 🙂Hi. 🙂Thank you for rubbing my neck and shoulders and back and for fixing up my knee. You’re very sweet, thank you. 🙂

I really enjoy our time together. You’re so easy to talk to and you’re smart and beautiful and funny and sexy. That’s why we’re madly in like with each other, lol 🙂. I miss you when you’re not around. I wanna tell you all the dumb shit that happens, like Wolf not understanding how to mail a fuckin letter 😐. Smith had to explain how to close the envelope and put it in the mailbox. Don’t forget to lick it! 😐🙄Fisher and I just looked at each other and were like, how are some people even alive?

ANyway, I’m glad you like the chicken and rice 🙂. I can do better…you should let me make you dinner again 🙂. I wish I had real food and cooking tools to use, but I’m trying my best with what I have here.

I want to kiss you all the time too, when we’re doing “normal” things. ALL the time 🙂. I wish I could touch you when we’re doing normal things too. I wanna walk up behind you when you’re like, in line for water or whatever and put my arms around you and kiss your neck and then mouth. I wanna touch you, not just for like sex stuff. Like, I want to hold your hands or have my feet or legs on yours and I love hugging you. I guess the word I’m looking for is affectionate. Yeah, that.

It’s late. Bedtime. Thanks for a nice Groundhog’s Day 🙂. I wish we were sporking right meow. 🙂

Goodnight.

P.S. I’m glad I can make you happy in your heart. You do the same for me. 🙂

Good morning 🙂

Spider liver. Lmfao I was so fuckin confused. 🙃So yeah, anyway, now that I’m awake and not about to fall asleep: I find myself wanting to do things with you that is neither friend stuff nor makeout buddy stuff. Like when your hands are shaky (is there an “E” in shaky?) 😐*shrug* I wanna hold your hands. Cuddling is another example. We never discussed any of that, but you don’t seem to be against it. You said you were pro-cuddling 🙂.

Anyway, I gotta get ready for class. But here’s this for you. I wrote you back. 🙂I’m not a pro writer like you, so thanks for your patience. I’m just some washed up semi-pro soccer player 😜. I hope you have a good day. I hope I see you before I leave, or else I spent my time writing this early for no reason…I could have been doing my usual awesome stuff. 

Ok byyyyyyyyyyyyyyye! 🙂

I wrote Zuko back:

Hey sexy, 

I had a nice day with you too. I’m sorry you had nightmares and were/are sore, I wish there was something more I could do to help. Thank you for saying I have a pretty smile–I’ll never get tired of that. You’re easy to talk to too, and I love your face (especially your eyes) and you’re smart and funny and sexy too. I think it’s funny that we both say we’re not in a relationship with each other, because I don’t really know what would change if we were. I miss you when you’re not around too, and I think about you a lot. I had a dream about you this morning. I’m always thinking to myself, “I have to tell her that (whatever) happened.” I loved the chicken and rice, that was very sweet of you. I wish we could touch each other and kiss each other when we wanted to. I’m very pro-cuddling. Cuddling is good for your soul. I love hugging you too. You’re a very good hugger. I just like being really close to you for any reason, I think. I like it when you’re affectionate with me. I wish we were sporking right meow too. 🙂There’s no “E” in shaky. You’re not washed up. You’re perfect the way that you are. 

Spider livers aside, you seem kind of judgy about how many people I’ve slept with. I’m not particularly proud of that, but I’m not ashamed of it either. It’s just a fact. I would never put you at risk for a disease. The only transmissible disease I’ve ever had was Hepatitis C, and I was treated for that six years ago. To be honest, the three people I was sleeping with before I got here weren’t even sleeping with anyone else. And I don’t just fuck around anymore–I love the people I’m sleeping with or are at least very fond of them and we’re good friends. I don’t have meaningless sex anymore, and I think you have the wrong idea about that. Sex is important to me because of the connection it creates, not just because it feels nice.

Anyway, I hope to see you soon.

9pm

Zuko asked me if I wanted to be her girlfriend today and I said okay. We’ll see if anything changes. CO DickeyDo didn’t give us any phone signups for tomorrow since we were being too loud.

Jerk.

February 4th, 2025

Tuesday

9:38am

Lolita’s memorial service is today at 10am. I’m going. Zuko changed her mind and said that we should just keep things the same so we don’t get separated. That’s fine with me. People get all crazy over labels anyway. I wonder if she’s going to write me today. She kissed me this morning and said she missed me. I missed her too. I wonder what it’s going to be like when I leave this place and she has to stay. Now I feel like a liar every time I talk to Motorcycle. Zuko asks me all of the time why I’m with him. I don’t seem to know anymore. I loved him at one point. Now–I don’t know.

11:05am

Lolita’s service was nice. Very Catholic, but nice. Nobody got up and said anything about her, which was a shame. Just the priest talking about her being in Heaven with Jesus–even though Catholics don’t believe in suicides going to Heaven. That’s the third Catholic suicide funeral I’ve been to. The other two were men–well–one 15-year old boy and one 35-year old police officer. They sang, “Lift You Up on Eagle’s Wings” or something like that. Something about eagle’s wings. Zuko cried. 

5:39pm

Note from Zuko:

Hey Sexy 🙂

I’ll start how you sometimes finish:

“What am I supposed to do, but sink my teeth in you?

I’d starve without you on my lips. 

I’d die without the taste of it.

What am I supposed to be, when you sink your teeth into me?

Cuz I live for the way you move. 

I die without the taste of you.”

You feel so fuckin good, I can’t get enough of you. Kissing and touching you this morning was amazing. I love the way you taste and how you feel against me. You’re sexy AF and I want you. ALL THE TIME. Your lips belong on mine and my hands were meant to be all over you. I love looking into your eyes and seeing your smile when my face is right next to yours 🙂. And then kissing you more. Mmmmmmmmmmm fuck. We need more alone time. I wanna take my time with you, enjoy you, please you. I wanna take your breath away and then kiss you more. Grab your hair and pull it so your head goes back and I can kiss your neck and then slowly kiss my way down to your chest. 🙂My hand is ahead of my mouth, exploring your body…down your stomach, grabbing your hips and ass, and pulling you toward me. I kiss you harder and then run my fingertips down your one thigh, then slowly work my way up your other thigh. You press your body against mine, wanting more. I lightly drag my fingers along your lips while we kiss, teasing you, moving closer and closer, til you can’t wait anymore, so I slide my finger into you and gently massage your clit. All my energy is focused on you and discovering what brings you the most pleasure. We fall into rhythm together and I don’t stop until you’re completely satisfied, digging your nails into me while I kiss you passionately, trying in vain to keep you quiet. 🙂

I miss you!

I wrote her back: 

Holy fuck!

You sure know how to turn me on. I loved it, and I can’t wait until we have more alone time together. I read it with my face like this 😮

Holy fuck.

I don’t feel good today, so I’m off, sorry. I won’t interrupt your eating anymore, I just needed you to kiss me right then. 

I love the way you touch me, and I always can’t wait until the next time you put your hands on me. You feel SO good. I just wish things were different. I want us to know everything about each other’s bodies, and find out what turns you on. I would love to take a shower with you, and feel your naked body against mine. All hot and we and kissing and…fuck.

I would love that.

I loved your song lyrics, and your description of what you want to do to me. I want you all of the time too. I find myself wondering what your mouth would feel like on my body and what your face would look like when you get off. 

I want to know. 

Badly.

Good night.

Good morning. I like your hair. I feel a little better today. I’m just going to give this to you.