Love, Justine

MUNCY STATE PRISON

February 5th, 2025

Wednesday

9:55pm

They’re saying an inmate is dead. Either in the RHU or the Infirmary. 

There was no heat in here last night and everybody woke up freezing. It’s still cold, but apparently the heat is fixed. 

No news on who died (or if someone died). 

I had a visit with Stryder today–a video visit. His blood pressure was so high yesterday that he was in the hospital.

I feel like Zuko and I are dancing around the love conversation. She says we’re “madly in like” with each other, which is funny, but I want to tell her that I love her. I don’t know how she would react, though. Then I think: What would I do if I was being my truest, bravest self? 

I would tell her. 

“If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me

And just forget the world?

I don’t quite know

How to say

How I feel…”

February 6th, 2025

Thursday

12:43pm

I wrote Zuko:

On the radio this morning was “Sweet But Psycho” and then “I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It” lol. Reminded me of you.

A lot of things remind me of you now. I think about you a lot, and about how you make me feel–beautiful and sexy and wanted–even in this completely gross, unsexy place. To feel that way is unexpected and nice. I wonder if we’d ever have come across each other on the outside. I think probably not. You’re my silver lining, and I’m generally not a silver lining kind of person, especially about prison. So thank you. More about what I was to do when I get out of here: I want to write a book that sparks a global conversation about mass incarceration and women in America. How putting women in prison tears apart the fabric of society. How this country would look without prisons. That’s what I want to do. Here’s a quote that I liked from “Good Girl, Bad Girl:” [Grief quote about losing children]

I hope you have a good time watching your movie. I’ll miss you until then. The kiss earlier was nice. I liked your hand on my skin. I wish we could touch each other the way we want to. Grrrrrr…….oh well. I guess I should just be grateful for what we can do. I like spending time with you. It’s frustrating, though, to always want more… *sigh* You’re sexy as fuck, if I didn’t tell you that yet today.

“Pretty pretty please, 

If you ever, ever feel, 

Like you’re nothing, 

You are perfect, 

To me.”

2:35pm

Lockdown

3:33pm

The rumor is that somebody overdosed on J Unit.

6:06pm

They still haven’t fed us yet.

6:34pm

No dinner yet.

6:56pm

No dinner yet.

7:02pm

Truck pulled up outside.

Presumably with food.

7:12pm

Started passing out food to Unit.

February 7th, 2025

Zuko wrote me:

News: the dickbag in charge of the country said the US was gonna take over Gaza and the Palestinians can fuck off and he’s gonna rebuild it to be the Middle East Riviera.

Hey Beautiful, 

I fuckin miss you 🙁 At least we got a little time together earlier. *sigh* I love– You just walked by, cuz ou’re awake now, so I don’t have to frump at you 😛But I was gonna. Anyway, I love how you feel in my arms and how you feel on my lips. I’m really glad you keep saying, “Okay,” to me 🙂. And I’m glad I’m brave enough to talk to you and ask you things. I can’t get enough of you. Kissing you is…mmmmmmm. I can’t even put it into words. But it’s good. Really good. We compliment each other very well. Mmmmmmm 🙂. You’re a great kisser and you’re so fucking sexy. I hate having to stop what we’re doing all the time, but it’s better than getting busted. I agree with you, if we had the chance to do what we want to with each other, it would be fuckin amazing. We’re both very attracted to each other and we match each other’s energy. I love looking into your eyes and smiling together when we pause briefly and then kiss some more. You’re so gorgeous. “AI Goddess you” has nothing on the real thing, and I’m gonna enjoy every amazing moment I’m lucky enough to get with you. I love the real you 🙂Thanks for choosing to spend your time with me.

I’m honored to be your silver lining here 🙂You make life better, so thank YOU. And no, I very much doubt our paths would have crossed outside. I’m  happy I met you. You have a very special place in my heart. I like all the songs you share with me 🙂. And it’s cute that you think of me all the time…. You liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike me 😛 I think of you all of the time too, even in my weird toothbrush dreams. Lmao. I’m gonna look that up right now, cuz it’s fuckin weird and I’m a very curious person. BRB! Back. There’s no toothbrush in my dream dictionary 😐 womp womp *sigh* Anyway. I pulled a ramen hair off me during the movie…after I ate my lunch 😐. I’m gonna need you to control your body ma’am, it keeps getting on me. Just kidding! I want you all over me! 🙂I love the way you taste and smell and feel and look and even how you sound. 🙂That time you hit me with your sexy voice stopped my heart briefly 🙂. I want all of you all over me, all of the time. I never told you this, but I was so fuckin nervous right before we kissed for the first time. I got all my courage together and went for it, though, and I’m so glad everything went well. Well, it was amazing, actually. 🙂I can’t get enough of you. I wish we were alone together right meow. 🙂. Kissing, touching, looking into each other’s eyes, discovering each other together, and then falling asleep in each other’s arms. It would be nice waking up with you, too. I like seeing you in the morning, all sleepy, and then you see me and you smile 🙂. You’re really pretty. Oh ffs Bozark, you’re sleeping again. 🙁 How am I supposed to kiss you good night now?? I’m just messing with you, I know you need sleep to feel better. And please don’t apologize for being “off” when you don’t feel well., I understand. All I ask is that you tell me when you’re not feeling well so that I know what’s wrong. You kinda hurt my feelings the other night cuz you walked away from me when I was trying to talk to you, and I thought you were mad/upset with me cuz I did something wrong. I was sad and confused. 🙁Anyway, I missed you a lot today. Stupid fuckin lockdown. I’m sorry you missed your visit. 🙁I’m grateful for the time we got together. You taste and feel SO good. I’m glad you like my hands on you, cuz I like having them on you. Mmmmmmm….. 🙂 You’re allowed to touch me too, just so that’s clear. I need sleep. I miss you. 

Good morning.

I usually re-read stuff before I give it to you, but I don’t have time cuz you said, “Okay,” to coffee. 🙂

I wrote her back:

Hi Sexy, 

First of all, I’m sorry that I hurt your feelings. I didn’t mean to. Some days I just wanna stay in bed  and do nothing all day and I feel like my whole energy is off. I’m sorry. On those days I wish we could snuggle. I fuckin miss you too. I love your letters. I’m glad you’re brave enough to talk to me and ask me things too. I always want to know what you’re thinking. Thanks for letting me know what the dickbag in charge of the country is doing. I love it when you kiss me, it feels so good. I can’t get enough of you either, and I want more. Thank you for saying I’m gorgeous. You make me feel gorgeous and beautiful. I think you’re fantastic, and I love the real you too. I’m so glad we met. “I’m a sucker for you,” is playing on the radio. That’s how I feel about you. 

You: “You wanna get outta here?”

Me: “Yup.”

If it’s with you–yup. I love that you dream about me, even with your weird toothbrush troubles. Sorry my hair gets all over you. Believe me–I want all of me to be all over you too. I was nervous before we kissed the first time too, but then you smiled at me, and I was fine. You have a very cute half-smile that you do and it melts my heart. You’re so sexy. I can’t get enough of you. I feel like I said that already, but it’s true. I love that you like seeing me in the morning when I’m all sleepy–you’re incredibly adorable when you first wake up. 

Anyway, we are going to the library and I want to give this to you. 

I fuckin miss you.

4:35pm

I was standing in the bathroom with Zuko when Daisy was getting out of the shower, and when I got back to the cell, Daisy snapped, “You’ve turned into those people that we hated, hanging around in the bathroom all of the time. I wanted to get out and get dressed, but there’s an audience.”

I said I was sorry, but what I really wanted to say was, “No one is looking at you, miss. We’re obviously looking at each other. And I wasn’t the only one just standing around in the bathroom.”

Zuko got called into the psychologist’s office today and looked distraught when she came out, so I was hoping she would tell me what was wrong, but she didn’t want to talk about it. So that’s why I was in the bathroom. Plus it’s the only place we’re allowed to be when there’s no Common Room. This is prison, and literally 50 people share that bathroom. I hope this doesn’t turn into a big fucking deal. Jesus Christ, I hate this fucking fucking place. I feel like Zuko is the only good thing about this place. I used to feel that way about Daisy. 

Ugh. 

She’s been making comments every day about how I’m in “Daisy Withdrawal,” which is her passive-aggressive way of saying I’m not spending enough time with her. WE FUCKING LIVE IN THE SAME CELL. 

FUCK.

9:19pm

Jesus Christ.

This day just keeps getting worse. Zuko’s pissed at me. Fuck my life. I made the gargantuan mistake of swatting her leg because she made a joke and she FREAKED out. “That’s my bad leg, oh my God, you scared me, bla, bla, bla!”

Like–totally freaked out. 

Like……..dude.

You’re completely overreacting. 😐

I must have apologized a thousand times. She’s still not speaking to me. 

Jesus fucking Christ. 

I hate this day.

February 8th, 2025

Saturday

1:52pm

Stryder visited, which was nice. Zuko finally forgave me, thank God. I had nightmares last night that I was little and my dad was sexually abusing me. 

Very weird.

I have nightmares when I’m upset. I was very upset that Zuko was upset with me. I’m using the word upset a lot. Apparently, they found my lost clothes over in C Unit, so I have to go get them when shift change is over. Then Zuko wants to hang out in the Common Room. I told Stryder that Zuko said that they are rivals now, and Stryder said, “Game on.”

Funny.

Zuko says she’s winning. She is. I’m very fond of her. I could barely sleep last night, and then this morning we were in the bathroom at the same time and she said, “Can this not be weird?” And then we talked and hugged and kissed and everything was okay.

Thank God. 

That was stressful.

February 9th, 2025

Zuko wrote me:

Yeahhhh, we’re gonna need to figure out that shower plan, cuz I was REALLY tempted to just get in with you. I want all of you. Badly. We won’t have room to do everything I’d like to do with you, but we’ll leave that stuff for the future. I’m gonna manifest all THAT. 🙂You, me, a nice big comfy bed and all the time in the world. I’d love to whisper all the things I wanna do with you while we’re sitting in Common Room to make you blush. And then you’d look at me with your beautiful blue eyes and say sweetly, “Okay.” 🙂

Good morning Beautiful 🙂

I was busy doing awesome stuff (with you) yesterday and didn’t finish this. Sorry. I’m slow. Good things take time and I’d like to think I’m worth the wait. 🙂 I really enjoy our time together. I like talking with you and listening to you tell me about your life. Thank you for trusting me enough to share yourself with me. I have a lot of fun joking around with you too. You have such a pretty smile (that you should really stop covering) and you have a really cute laugh. 🙂 You’re adorable and I can’t get enough of you Sprout. I’m madly in like with you 🙂 I haven’t seen you all morning 🙁 I miss you. I’m in a lot of pain today, so I’m guessing you’re feeling it too. I’d love to be snuggled up with you, right up against each other, my arm around you holding you close. Yeah, I just wanna hug and kiss you and be close to you. I miss you. I just saw you at Count to say hi and let you know I’m not going to lunch. I forgot I’m making pizzas for me and Bundo. You don’t want grey country “meat” anyway. Let me know if you want a sandwich or

something. 🙂I’ll make you something if you’re hungry. Okay, I gotta make pizza, do commissary stuff and write out those prop bets. Ya know–awesome stuff. 🙂

I have Puppy Bowl stuff on TV cuz PUPPIES!! 🙂Hopefully we get to chill some this afternoon. I miss you. I wanna hug and kiss you.

Activate: Awesome Stuff Mode! 🙂

I wrote her back:

Yes, we agreed, we’re going to have to figure out the shower plan. I always wish you could just get in with me. I want all of you too. Badly. About manifesting all the stuff for the future–Yes to all that. Good things do take time and you are worth the wait. Whether you’re writing me or doing all kinds of sexy stuff with me. You’re worth the wait. I really enjoy our time together too, and hearing about your life. You’re very smart and funny, and I can’t get enough of you either. Sprout–that’s adorable. I miss you all of the time.

How’d you do on your prop bets? 

And thank YOU for trusting ME enough to share yourself with me. I appreciate it a lot, especially because you have a hard time with trust. I liked our first date. Thanks for explaining football to me. I’m looking forward to that pool lesson. I hope I get to kiss you good night. Won’t it be nice when we can kiss each other whenever we want? 

Manifest THAT. 🙂