April 6, 2024
Saturday
8:30am
Ethan’s death anniversary. Nineteen years. I wonder how he’s doing in Heaven. I often wonder if any of this would have happened if he wouldn’t have been sick.
Then I have to stop myself.
I know I would have had a normal life.
I would have been happy.
No alcoholism, no drugs, no rip-your-heart-out grief for decades, no jail, no prison, no PTSD.
Normal.
What did I do to deserve this?
I wonder if my Bipolar symptoms wouldn’t have been so severe if all of that shit never happened to me.
Probably not.
I would have been happy.
Good job, good life.
I would have had it all.
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