I Would Have Had It All…

April 6, 2024

Saturday

8:30am

Ethan’s death anniversary. Nineteen years. I wonder how he’s doing in Heaven. I often wonder if any of this would have happened if he wouldn’t have been sick.

Then I have to stop myself.

I know I would have had a normal life. 

I would have been happy.

No alcoholism, no drugs, no rip-your-heart-out grief for decades, no jail, no prison, no PTSD.

Normal.

What did I do to deserve this?

I wonder if my Bipolar symptoms wouldn’t have been so severe if all of that shit never happened to me. 

Probably not.

I would have been happy.

Good job, good life.

I would have had it all.