Love, Justine

INTERVIEW

“Joey”

“I prefer European American.”

Female 

42yrs

No children

Trauma?

“Yes, a lot of abuse throughout my whole life, domestic violence as an adult.”

Mental Illness?

Major Depressive Disorder/PTSD/Anxiety/Nightmares

Substance Abuse?

“Yeah, I’m an alcoholic.”

How long have you been in jails/prisons in your life?

“Seven-hundred and seventy-nine days.”

20-40 year sentence

“This is the first time I’ve been in trouble.”

“The bottom line is I killed my ex-girlfriend. We were together at the time. There was a lot of stuff that happened before that. I didn’t just up and kill her. We were together for 11 ½ years. We met right before my car accident–broke both legs, hip, five ribs, right arm/wrist. Coma for one week on Life Support–almost lost right leg–has titanium rod in leg/plates/screws/nerve damage.

We met at work–met five months before car crash, ‘drunk when I crashed my car.’ Three times over the legal limit for alcohol.

Ex-girlfriend was an addict–opiates– ‘she stole [my pain medication] from me.’

We both got clean, got two dogs, she went to college, she helped me get rehabilitated, I was working part-time, I was doing online sports writing, she was working with kids with disabilities. 

We were planning on spending our lives together–we bought a house. 

Then she relapsed.

‘I was fucked.’

She got prescribed her Drug of Choice.

‘We were smoking pot. I was good. She started buying it on the street. We used to go to AA/NA. This was during COVID. 2020-2021. We got settled, I thought she would get better. We had three dogs by this point. I was allowed out of the house nine times in two years. Once I realized how fucked I was, it was way too late.’

Joey has a degree in Sports Management

Wrecked new car, sold old car.

Put stuff in her name.

‘She wouldn’t even let me go to my parents’ 50th wedding anniversary. I hitched a ride with people I barely knew. That was the last time I saw everybody together.’

‘I was allowed out once/week for groceries.’

Thirteen ferrets, three rabbits, three or four cats, dogs, lizards.

‘She replaced her pill addiction with a pet addiction.’

COVID —> got groceries delivered —> stopped being allowed out

“My parents would drive from MD to take me out twice a year.”

Moved from one-bedroom apartment to the house.

“She would always come home screaming and raging.”

“It was a three-bedroom house, the dogs hung out with me–she was jealous of the dogs. She went and got a puppy and locked it in her room/office. She was so mean to him. He ate her office. Gets another puppy to keep the other one company. She was abusive to the puppies. She was getting high. She flipped out a lot. After dinner she would get high and pass out. I would pack a bowl and play video games.”

“Paxton (puppy) ran out the door. Then all the dogs got out. My dog Paxton and a pit bull get in a fight. Got three dogs back in, baby runs off. Got the dog fight broken up. Baby is missing. I look everywhere, can’t find puppy. Spend several hours, now nighttime. Girlfriend is passed out. The next day, she says, ‘We’ll just get another dog.’ No. I’m not eating or drinking in the three days she was missing. I post online, looking all over. Message from woman–gave her address. Went there, sang dinner song, brought treats. Found dog, brought her home. Took her to the vet the next day, dehydrated, ticks. Paxton was in a fight, Dempsey didn’t get along with Paxton—kept in separate rooms. Dempsey attacked puppy. Dempsey went to shelter. Shelter put him down. Girlfriend blamed me and Paxton for Dempsey’s death. Girlfriend threatened to kill Paxton. May-July was an absolute nightmare for me. Girlfriend threatened to call animal control, ‘I will kill him myself.’ I hid Paxton in my office, it caused a lot of problems. It was super stressful. Girlfriend: ‘If you don’t get rid of dog, I’m going to start dating other people.’ She starts buying everything. I wasn’t going to leave the dogs with her. She was punching holes in the walls, etc. I was trying to figure out how to leave with the dogs. I ran out of time. I knew shit was getting really bad. I texted my Dad and asked if I could move in with Pax. He told me no. I didn’t have anything else (cries). 

She goes to work at 5am, I found a no-kill shelter. I planned my suicide. On a Monday. Wrote email to them (suicide note). She snapped out the Saturday before the suicide–woke me up at 3am, dragged me out of bed, was going to kill the dog. Got the gun from her, shot her before she could shoot me. I didn’t even know she was cheating on me and was going to evict me. The police made up their own story. They were going to hit me with 1st Degree Murder.”

“I took her life and I can’t fix that (cries).”

No trial. 

Threatened with life in prison.

Had a public defender. 

“I was drinking mouthwash by this point.”

How did the media treat you?

“Terrible. They fucked up the timeline, said I hung around with her body for three days.”

“Filed a PCRA, attorney contacted me, said I had a good case. Now they say no merit. I had a zero gravity score. I’m looking into Battered Woman Syndrome defense.”

“I feel so fucking bad for her poor mom. That was her only fucking child. I took that from her and I can never give it back.”

What do you think about the criminal justice system?
“I don’t think it’s fair. They don’t take things into account that they should. It’s bullshit that if I was in a different state or had money, I wouldn’t be here.”

“I just wish I would have gotten some help. I wish I could’ve moved. I had started saving money to get away from her.”

Several suicide attempts. Took a shotgun, challenged God, said, ‘If I’m meant to live, this won’t work,’–pulled trigger with toe–twice–didn’t work.

Talks to parents now once weekly.

What do you do for fun?

“I love soccer, video games, music. I was learning how to DJ, a music production program, techno music, pizza, writing…”

END

September 19th, 2024

Thursday

Book:

“Eat, Pray, Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert

P. 260

“I keep remembering one of my Guru’s teachings about happiness. She says that people universally tend to think that happiness is a stroke of luck, something that will maybe descend upon you like fine weather if you’re fortunate enough. But that’s not how happiness works. Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings.”

September 20th, 2024

Friday 

4:25pm

I didn’t get sentenced today. The judge said he wasn’t ready and want to “do the right thing” and read my Pre-Sentencing Investigation.

Whatever.

There goes another month of my life.

He should’ve had my PSI six months ago.

9:53pm

I’ve decided to go ahead and start writing this book. It seems I have at least four more months here anyway. Of course, I can’t access any of my writings from before or my 50-ish interviews, but I can start over, I guess.

Or put them in later.

Or write two books.

Maybe this one will just be this year, or whatever. I don’t know. I probably have enough material to write 10 books. 

May as well get the fuck started.

I got a book at the library today called “Writing to Save Your Life,” and that’s what I feel like I’m doing. 

Saving my own life.