WOMEN’S CENTER
January 20th, 2018
Day 201
Saturday
10:30am
Getting ready for a meeting in Wellsboro. At least we’re going to meetings now. Last night I spoke at the meeting about a TED talk that I watched about addiction called, “Everything you think about addiction is wrong.”
It was really good.
The guy talked about the study involving the “rat park” where they took these rats and put them in a cage with nothing but food and water and cocaine-laced water, and the majority of the rats drank the cocaine-laced water until they eventually overdosed and died. But then they took the rats and put them in a giant “Rat Park,” with other rats and a whole bunch of things to do–an enriched environment, basically. These rats seemed only to use the cocaine-water sparingly, if at all, and none of them drank it until they died. So the guy said that, “The opposite of addiction is not sobriety. The opposite of addiction is connection.”
I believe him.
I we were all kind and loving toward addicts, and showed them that we cared for them unconditionally, like in NA and AA meetings, they would recover. The guy also cited Portugal, a country that legalized all drugs, as a huge social experiment, which have gone very well, considering. Another thing he said was that if our society changed to be more like Portugal, we could take all the money we pour in to the “justice” system and prisons and jails, and put it into re-integrating these people into society, with jobs and such.
Good talk.
I believe it.
Let’s see what “When the Bough Breaks,” has to say to me today.
“Emotional support is vital. That often comes in a quiet form. Being present, listening, is usually more valuable than any words.”
“Forever after, there will be a gaping wound in her soul that becomes inflamed on holidays, anniversaries, and for no reason that is apparent.”
“Losing a child lets people know without a doubt what is and what is not important in life.”
The most essential ingredient…in surviving we…is to speak of the dead child unashamedly.”
—Harriet S Schiff, The Bereaved Parent
January 21st, 2018
Sunday
Day 202
1pm
Church:
“Glorify God in everything you do.”
Acknowledge that He is God.
Psalm 100:3
Know that the Lord, He is God!
It is He who made us, and we are His;
We are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.
Philippians 4:6
Do not be anxious about anything,
But in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
7pm
It’s sad–the fishtank is our new TV since no one is allowed to watch TV. I have to read some of my book, “The Incredible Years.” It’s my homework for parenting classes.
- Encourage Emotional Understanding Through Fantasy or Pretend Play
- Children may be more likely to share painful or scary feelings with their parents in the context of puppet or fantasy play.
- Be an Appreciative Audience
- Use Descriptive Commenting
- Use Academic Coaching to Promote School Readiness Skills
January 22nd, 2018
Monday
Day 203
11:30am
Seeing the kids yesterday was good, but Tiger seemed bored until the boys got there–not very talkative. She got all A’s on her report card and can write her name in cursive now. In fact, she’s so smart she wrote her name in cursive in dominoes on the floor. It was neat. She also gave me a picture she had drawn of she and I on a boat together. Henry drew some pictures for me too–he was so proud of himself.
Today was therapy–I talked mostly about how nervous I am to talk to the cops. I think they’re coming today. I have to call my lawyer–public defender. He’s okay. He did try to help me out of that ridiculous marijuana thing eight months ago–even if the Judge didn’t believe him.
I made up the paperwork to appoint a guardian ad litem for Tiger. I also filled out a paper to release me early from the Women’s Center. We’ll see how that goes. Yesterday Henry held me tight for a long time before I had to put him down to put his coat on at the end of the visit.
I’m riding back from therapy with a non-talker. He likes classic rock and country.
Yech.
Almost back to the Center.
We’ll see what fuckery is going on there today.
1pm
Pink is playing games with the fish–it’s hysterically funny. She says the fish are talking shit about her because their mouths are moving.
Now I have to do my parenting classes homework:
Use Emotion Coaching to Promote Emotional Literacy
“Notice and Comment on times when they seem calm, happy, curious, relaxed, excited, confident, proud, frustrated, or tense. This is a very useful way to help children associate their feeling state with the word and will be helpful in promoting their vocabulary for feelings.”
Coaching Positive Peer Play
Encourage Your Child’s Independent Problem Solving–don’t complete tasks for them.
As About Feelings
Helping Children to Regulate Their Emotions
What is Emotional Regulation?
–refers to a person’s ability to provide adequate control over his/her emotional responses to arousing situations.
How Quickly Do Children Learn Emotional Regulation?
–Neurological maturation
–Temerament and developmental status
–Parental/Socialization and environmental support
–Children who experience chronic stress, or lack predictability and stability in their environment, have more problems with emotional regulation.
Here Are Some Ways You Can Help:
–Provide stability and consistency
–Accept your child’s emotions and emotional responses
–Talk about your own feelings
Encourage Children to Talk Freely About Feelings
–Model Emotional Regulation
–Teach Positive Self Talk
–Identify Tough Situations and Use Them as Springboards to Teach Problem Solving
3:30pm
We got a new girl–I haven’t named her yet. She’s giving the women here the down-low on McKean County Jail–who’s still there, who left and who came back. Apparently, they’re having shake-downs–problems with drugs in the building too.
Okay, back to my homework. I don’t even know why I’m doing it because I won’t be there tomorrow for parenting. The new woman has announced to everyone that she is mentally ill and all of her physical health problems–which include a previously broken back, liver cancer, small lung capacity due to heart disease (but she smokes), etc., etc., etc. And her sister was hit by a drunk driver (she’s in here for DUI’s) two weeks ago and taken off life support last week. Maybe I’ll call her “Walking Disaster.” Nikolai thinks I should name her “Suzie Talks a Lot.” Maybe I’ll call her ST for short.
Okay back to my homework–I’m on: Identify Tough Situations and Use Them as Springboards to Teach Problem Solving
Often children resort to emotional outbursts because they haven’t learned strategies for getting what they want.
January 23rd, 2018
Day 204
Tuesday
4:30am
I got up at 3am–couldn’t sleep. It turned out to be a blessing, though, because I didn’t have to rush around to get ready for going to Pittsburgh today. I even got breakfast. We got a new staff along with Susie Talks a Lot yesterday. She seems nice. All I know about her is that she smokes and she’s been in jail before. I tend not to advertise that one when I’m just meeting new people, but whatever blows your skirt up, lady. I’m talking to the only male staff besides Mr. Big (I don’t think I named him)–he turns out to be really smart. He brings a Rubix cube to word to play with–he can solve it in like one minute flat. He’s really funny too–a real likeable guy.
Too bad he told me he’s leaving in two weeks. I guess the Center won’t work around his other job, which is at a bar.
Sucks.
7:30pm
On my way to Pittsburgh. This driver’s pretty nice–he stopped so I could have a cigarette this morning when he picked me up. It’s raining and my joints hurt a lot. I’m going to ask the doctor if he can give me a cortisone shot in my hip. I hope he will. I can’t wait to get into the city. I love Pittsburgh. I guess part of it is that I always could get a job there. Now I don’t know what to do with the charges I have. I never had to worry about a background check before. I wonder if Bradford Hills would hire me back, or maybe I could be a lab technician at the school or something–both places I worked before. Of course now I have the annoying problem of my hands shaking all of the time–I don’t know if I’d be able to draw blood or put in an IV catheter anymore.
*sigh*
Maybe it’s just a pipe dream and I’ll never go back. Probably, because there is obviously the problem of sharing the kids with Dubra and my parents. The song on the radio just said, “A rebel without a clue.”
That’s funny.
This guy likes classic rock too. Well, whatever Tom Petty is classified as anyway.
11:30am
I’m done with my appointment. My doctor decided to put me on a low dose of Prednisone for pain, and then another med I’ve never heard of–Sulfasalazine. That one I need to have bloodwork for first. I have to stop writing–my wrist hurts too much.
Work should be fun tomorrow.
4pm
Today is John’s birthday–he would be 70-something.
I wish he was still alive.
The women here are obsessing about the fish since the only thing to do is watch them. They are convinced that the fish have Ick, a fish disease. I told I don’t care, we can put the treatment in the water. At least then the tank will get cleaned.
Nickolai is hungry and angry right now–hangry, she calls it. Suzie Talks A Lot is a know-it-all. She knows everything about EVERYTHING.
I’m getting fat again–152 at the doctor’s today. Elaine is burping and Old Toothless is farting–a nice combo. Elaine is talking about how she was traumatized by a fish when she was small. Nickolai really wants a cigarette. I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sore from sitting for eight hours–my everything hurts.
January 24th, 2018
Wednesday
Day 205
2pm
I just smashed my knee on a freaking heater.
OW.
That just adds to the rest of my body pain. Okay, I’ll stop complaining. I went to orientation at MedPlast today. The job looks like fun–NOT.
January 28th, 2018
Sunday
Day 209
2pm
My boys will be here soon. I haven’t written in four days because the job at MedPlast is completely and utterly exhausting. All I can do is sleep when I get back to the Center. The job is extremely fast-paced and repetitive–I’m just learning how to keep up. I’m only marginally faster than the fucking machine, and it sucks really bad.
You get four parts every 20 seconds, which leaves five seconds per part. That also includes keeping your area stocked up with the paperwork, and putting full boxes on a conveyer belt that is 50 feet away, while the machine keeps spitting out parts. Oh, and keeping up with waste bins.
It fucking sucks.
For twelve hours at a time.
The Center let me sleep for part of today, and I had a dream that Henry cut off his thumb and had to to to the ER, and then Jaxon ate a bunch of paper towels and had to go to the ER.
I feel like I haven’t seen them for a year.
Well, in reality, I barely have seen them for a year.
And hour a week here and there…horrible.
Leave a comment