MUNCY STATE PRISON
BLOG #11
Neither Here Nor There: Musings from the Other Side (of the Razor Wire Fence)
Lockdown.
The rumor is that J Unit is on fire and there was a fight on S, so there are no available staff.
It’s a full harvest moon tonight.
No kidding.
Snow Bunny, in the silence of the lockdown, suddenly announced that she has a hemorrhoid and it’s an “outie,” and she needs something for it, so all of a sudden, somebody screams across the Unit, “DOES ANYBODY HAVE ANY HEMORRHOID CREAM?!”
Then CO Pooper yelled at everyone to shut up, but don’t worry.
She got some cream.
We looks out for each other ‘round these parts.
Also, every time Swiper walks by Lolita, she farts. So, Swiper is Lolita’s natural laxative. Maybe Snow Bunny should try Swiper out for the ‘rhoids.
All you can see right now in Cell One is Momo’s glasses and big, wide, brown eyes peeking over the wall, seeing what’s going on.
“10 Things I Hate About You” is playing on TV right now, and Kimberly acted out the poem scene at the end where Julie Stiles cries, and then she wailed, “I’m crying and it’s not even turkey-ham week!!”
(Kimberly has her period during turkey-ham week.)
Speaking of Kimberly, she tried to pass Daisy some cheese today in front of a Sergeant and got caught, so Daisy had to shamefully pull the crotch-cheese out of her pants and throw it out.
Kimberly says they’ll do better tomorrow.
Morocco somehow lost her big toenail, so Lolita took it upon herself to made Morocco a whole sympathy card, complete with “RIP” and a picture of a toenail in the clouds with angel wings on it. People even signed the card and included their condolences.
We’re nice ladies around here.
In bathroom news, Momma Bear poops in the first stall, directly in front of the entrance to the bathroom, with the door open. (Insert joke here: If a Momma Bear shits in the first stall and nobody sees it…) When I walked in on her naked, preparing for a shower, she screamed, “It’s all tits and ass over here!” And when she hugged me following an AA meeting, my hair got caught in her beard.
And that’s all I have to say about that.
In other news, Kimberly and Morocco are now an item and Kimberly is leaving in four days and a wake-up.
Things I will miss about Kimberly:
- Her launching cigarettes over Daisy’s head to Morocco, two cells over.
- Kimberly and Daisy climbing on their bunk ladders and squatting to help get their farts out.
- Kimberly calling me a “Spicy Ramen Noodle” because, “First of all, the only ones that are good are spicy,” and secondly, because my hair looks like Ramen Noodles to her.
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! I’m crying and it’s not even turkey-ham week!!
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