Love, Justine

Monday

March 25, 2024

8:06am

Parole again this morning. A lady said to me while I was walking by in the Day Room today, “Excuse me Ma’am. You’re beautiful.”

Aw! That was so nice!

9:20am

I went to Parole and they had me sign the same exact paperwork again. They said the date was wrong?

What?

I feel like they’re being weird and that I shouldn’t have signed it. I don’t trust this lady, the on-site Parole Agent.

I’m calling my lawyer at 9:45am. Well, hopefully he’s still my attorney.

Then I went to have an EKG. While I was walking back, another lady said, “I didn’t know your hair was so long! You have to wear your hair down all the time!”

How very nice. I’m getting a lot of compliments today. I wonder why.

10am

My lawyer is somehow not on my approved phone list anymore. I have no idea why. I put in another phone list.

3:30pm

I keep having the feeling that I want to write something meaningful in order to get my feelings out, but I don’t have any idea what to say. I got two messages on the kiosk from my mother and Gem. My mother apologized for lying to me about whether I was going to jail or not. She and my father knew before I did and I yelled at her in a letter. Gem didn’t say much except she can only store a little bit of my stuff from Paul’s because they don’t have the room.

I said thanks.

My life is such a disaster.

Maybe I’ll ask my parents to store my shit.

Gem always says things like, “I’ll do whatever I can to help you,” and then this happens when I ask her to. I should be grateful for what I have, I guess. 

But what is that?

Nothing, really.

Stuff. 

Clothes.

Kitchen things.

A whole lifetime and nothing to show for it. This is why I don’t write. It’s all the same garbage bullshit. 

Wah, wah, wah, Jessica has a horrible life.

What the fuck else is new.

8pm

Sooooo…….I talked to the boys. King stayed home from school today with a cough, and my conversation with both boys went better than a couple days ago.

The Gem messaged me and said that Motorcycle is selling my things online. So, I call Motorcycle and he says it’s just a couple of pairs of boots that I don’t wear.

Like——-what?!!

Did he think that I wouldn’t notice? Or that no one would tell me?? I cannot believe him.

Of course.

Right when I say I’m okay with being monogamous and everything, he does something that demonstrates in a ginormous way that I cannot trust him at all.

I hate my life.

Then, of course, he gets mad, says he hates Gem (which is the only way I get money in here), and asks if I really think he would do anything to hurt me.

Um…YES.

 I am sitting in prison because of you, douchebag.

What am I supposed to do with this?

Nothing.
There is nothing that I can do.

Oh, and he called my attorney, but says I need to call him.

And Stryder messaged me that he doesn’t understand why I am in here.

I don’t either, dude.

I don’t either.