MUNCY STATE PRISON
March 22nd, 2025
Saturday
Zuko wrote me:
Hey Gorgeous ♥️
I love the way you smile at me when we see each other for the first time in the morning. 🙂 You always look so beautiful. ♥️I look forward to the day when I can wrap my arms around you + kiss you. And you’ll snuggle into me, so I’ll hold you for awhile + then kiss your head + go start the coffee. 🙂 I love you. I love you so much Sweetheart. ♥️ Imma marry you, + we’ll be happy + in love for the rest of our lives. 🙂 We were made for each other + destined to find each other + fall in love. ♥️♥️ I’m so in love with you Sprout. I’m so grateful to have you by my side as we journey thru life together. ♥️
M’Lady! Watch out for poles and green sewer flames! 🙂 lol. I love you Baby. Always + forever. ♥️
So.
My shitbag cellie is gone–
[This just fell out of my journal when I turned the page: A small paper with a haiku on it that Zuko wrote me. It says:
Her smile melts me.
Gorgeous blue eyes meet my own.
We found each other.
Then there’s a red heart and inside it, it says:
J + T
2-3-25]
–now. 🙂Yay! That took care of itself, thankfully.
BYE!
I didn’t realize how stressed she made me feel until she was gone.
That sucked.
I’m sure you can relate since you had your own thief.
Anyway.
That ate up a lot of my free time, cuz I had to deal with her spazzing out earlier + then pack all her bullshit + then clean up the cell + take her bedding down. 😐
*sigh*
I love you. Thank you for writing me. It makes me feel better, cuz I have a better idea of what you’re thinking + how you’re feeling. You make my whole life better too. I’m honored that you want me to meet your kiddos. 🙂
I’m glad to be your “good reason” to be here.
I’m so happy our paths crossed in this pit.
You’re my silver lining too Babe. 🙂♥️
I’ll always care about you, especially when you don’t feel well. We get married multiple times a day, you should know I love you in good times + bad, sickness + health, etc.
I LOVE you.
I wrote Gem a letter:
Gem,
I wish I could call you. I should see parole next week, but if they don’t parole me, I max out 6/26/25.
I have a favor to ask–can you pick me up from this hellhole?
You’ll have to coordinate with Motorcycle to bring me some clothes to wear, and more clothes to take to the Women’s Center. I talk to him about once a week these days.
He wanted to know if we could still have sex even though we aren’t together (eye roll).
I said no.
In other news, I’m in love with a woman here named Zuko. You can’t write anything about it on the kiosk, though.
The problem is that she’s here on a 20-40 year sentence for 3rd degree murder.
She shot her girlfriend and she died.
In my mind it was self-defense, but there’s no self-defense in Pennsylvania. The girlfriend was very abusive and tried to kill Zuko first.
But, it is what it is.
She’s seeing if she can get a new trial.
I never thought this would happen, but it did.
Everyone jokes about being gay in prison, but I really wasn’t expecting this.
It is nice to have a silver lining here.
It’s such a crappy place.
I can’t wait to leave.
Also–I’ve lost all the weight I gained back when I got out the last time and I’m skinny again–137lbs.
The food here is super bad.
Sorry I don’t message very much–Motorcycle doesn’t send money anymore and neither does Stryder, because he lost his job.
So these last few weeks are gonna suck.
Anyway, I love you and I miss you so much and I hope you are feeling better.
Love,
Justine
P.S. Tell Damion I’m happy for him 🙂
I wrote Zuko back:
Sweetheart,
You look tired today. I’m feeling okay, but weirdly, my L hip hurts today. ← Sorry, throwback from writing in medical records all day.
I wrote Gem and told her about you. She’ll contact you on the kiosk then.
I also asked her if she can get my clothes from Motorcycle and pick me up from this hellhole, whenever that is.
My mom messaged me on the kiosk that she sent money and that Cool wants to see me before he goes back to Vermont. I don’t know if that will be possible, but I’ll try.
It would be nice to see him.
I love you so much. You’re so good to me. Even when I’m a blob.
Thank you.
I love it that you’re always touching me when we sit together. I missed being touched. A lot. I love that you marry me multiple times a day too.
And that you “M’Lady!” me out of harm’s way.
I love you always,
♥️Me ♥️
March 23, 2025
Sunday
8:50pm
Zuko cried tonight after she read the first part of “Down So Long.” It was a part where I wrote a poem to Motorcycle. She left a note in the page that said, “Fuck this shit. You don’t ever write me anything like this. I can’t read any more of this bullshit. Good luck. 💔”
Well, fuck.
Then she didn’t come down for Common Room right away. Then finally she did. More of this stuff about how I need to try harder. So that she knows I love her.
Fuck.
I must tell her a hundred times a day.
I’m exhausted just thinking about it.
Fuck.
March 24th, 2025
Monday
3:09pm
We finally went shopping today.
I wrote a poem for Zuko:
She Dances When She’s Happy
When he’s happy she dances
When she’s sad she cries
Tears like crystals
From her pretty green eyes
I love her smile, her eyes, her hips
I fantasize about her
Pressed against my lips
She’s beautiful and funny
Witty and smart
She draws little pictures
She has my heart
When she’s happy, she dances
To music in her head
I hope she’ll give me chances
To keep her hungry hands fed
She calls me “Baby,” and “Beautiful” and “Sprout”
While other people wonder
What that’s all about
I revel in her spirit
Swim around in her love
She seems heaven-sent
Like an angel from above
When she’s happy, she dances
When she’s sad, she cries
Tears like crystals
From her pretty green eyes
Freedom
“I’m not going without you,”
She whispered into the dark,
Her love looked at her sadly
“This is gonna leave a mark,”
She thought, as her hand brushed her face
On my soul:
The grief, the pain
The heartbreaking way it rained
She looked into my eyes
While we said our goodbyes
In this place of hard metal, razor-wire and bars
This goodbye isn’t forever
It was written in the stars
That we would be together
Even if not right away
“I don’t want you to go, I want you to stay”
“I know darling,” she said,
“But there are things I must do,
So that we can be together
So you can be free too,
Wait for me, darling,
Wait for me some
I’ll come back to get you
We’ll have so much fun
Laughing and dancing
Making love all night
Signing silly songs
Under the moonlight
Just look a the sky
We’re under the same sun
Life will be so sweet
When we both have freedom.”
I hope Zuko likes my poems.
I hope she knows I love her.
I told her I would do better.
She says I don’t have to write her poetry.
I say I do.
She cried when she read the second poem.
10:28pm
Jesus Christ.
I’m so turned on I don’t know what to do with myself. The way Zuko touches me, I can’t get enough of it.
I want her.
Badly.
She wants me too, which is such a turn-on.
When I look at her after we kiss, I can see the embers of white-hot desire burning in her eyes.
I feel like I could drown in it.
And it would feel..so…good.
It’s fucking sexy and I love it.
Maybe I’ll write a poem about THAT.
Desire
White hot desire
Burning in her eyes
I can’t think straight anymore
With her hand between my thighs
She touches me gently
I gasp into her mouth
I get a hard rush…
Then someone walks in and ruins the moment, just like this fucking poem.
THE END
Good fucking night.
Good Lord, as Zuko would say.
I should write a poem called FRUSTRATION.