THE WOMEN’S CENTER
June 2nd, 2018
Saturday
Day 334
11:30am
Yay! I get to watch the E! Channel! It’s like my porn–it’s my guilty pleasure. Tori dyed my hair, and I’’m waiting to rinse it out–I can’t wait–I love getting my hair dyed–it always makes me feel better.
11pm
I felt like crap all day because of the weather, but on the way back from the meeting, we all sang songs, which made me feel better.
Now Tori and I are watching some funny movie with Will Farrell and Kevin Hart about prison.
June/3/2018
Sunday
Day 335
2pm
We’re watching superhero movies on TNT. The last one was, “I Am Legend” with Will Smith. It’s good, except he has to strangle his own dog. Now “The Green Lantern is on. Fifteen minutes until my kids get here. I can’t wait. This movie is very strange.
8pm
Oh my–While I was visiting with my sponsor, Sandra decided that she was leaving–and left!! So then the police came and Mr. Big came and hauled her back here, saying it was her last chance before jail.
My, my, my.
Of course Big looked as hot as ever–grrrrrrrrrr…..I can’t stop thinking about him lately!
It’s Bad.
Maybe Sandra has a crush on him too and just wanted to see him really bad.
Anyway, the visit with my kids went well. Tiger brought a jump rope with her, and jump-roped all around the dining room, and King told me that he had to go to the doctor for shoving a rock up his nose. I guess Jaxon was traumatized because there was so much blood, but Henry wasn’t particularly upset about it.
He’s had a history of putting things up his nose since he was small. Once I tweezed out a rubber band.
Apparently the doctor looked in his nose, and did not think that it was in his sinuses.
I sure hope not.
They’d need a CT scan to find that out, and I would imagine they’d have to sedate a four-year old to scan him.
Omg–there is this new show coming out where people get married first, and then get to know each other.
That sounds ridiculous.
Now we’re watching a show where some lunatic snatches a child because his former wife said that he raped her. Then he started living in a bunker underground with bombs all around it, and brings the kid with him.
I guess it’s a true story, which is terrifying.
10pm
I guess Mr. Big was the one who stopped Sandra and made her come back to the Center. Kat says this is her last chance. Now her room is across from Big’s office.
Bed time.
June 4th, 2018
Monday
Day 336
7:30am
I got up at 5:30am today and took a shower and did my hair straight. Now we’re watching, “Say Yes to the Dress,” which makes me kind of sad.
I love weddings. I love getting married. The dress, the flowers, the music–everything.
12:30pm
On my way to Coudersport, reading my Bible again. Mr. Big thinks that this is one of the best quotes from the Bible:
Isaiah 40:31:
But those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles;
They shall run and not be weary;
They shall walk and not be faint.”
I guess I’ll read Isaiah.
5pm
Back at the Center–Ms. June is back. I guess rehab didn’t go so well for her.
In any case, my doctor took X-rays of my shoulder and said that I have bone spurs and that she’s worried about a partial rotator cuff tear, so I need an MRI. The problem is that my insurance won’t pay for an MRI until I have at least six weeks of physical therapy, so that’s what I have to do for the next six weeks.
I guess my ex-brother-in-law called and want to discuss “housing options’ in case I don’t find a place before July 6th and have to stay with him for a while. I’d better call him, because he wants to move to New York, and I can’t leave the state.
June 5th, 2018
Tuesday
Day 337
8am
I talked to my ex-brother in law about NY, and he told me that he would be happy to stay in PA so that I would have a place to live, which is really generous of him.
12:30pm
TED Talk Brene Brown Vulnerability
Connection
Shame = Fear of Disconnection
Shame = I’m not good enough
Excruciating Vulnerability
Worthiness = Believed that they were worthy of a strong sense of love and belonging.
Whole-Hearted
What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful
Shame – Core – Vulnerability – birthplace – joy
We numb…everything.
Isaiah 40:31 “Though youths grow weary and tired, avid vigorous young men stumble badly. Yet those that wait for the Lord with gain new strength;
They will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not be weary,
They will walk and not be faint.”
The woman in group gave a piece of paper with this on it highlighted in pink because when I was talking to another person about how her life would get better, and it reminded her of a Bible verse… * 🙂 *
2pm
Okay God, I get it. I walked into parenting class and sat down and got this 3 x 5 index card handed to me: “ I am open about sharing my religious and spiritual beliefs with my child.”
I have never spoken a word of the Gospel to my children. I thought I had the answers to everything.
NOPE.
I guess I’ll have to get on that.
June 6th, 2018
Day 338
8am
Time for Community. Tori might be leaving today. She doesn’t have anywhere to go. I don’t even think that she talked to the Big Boss about staying next door in the homeless people part of the building. I wrote her up a letter to read to the judge, so I hope it goes well for her. I also wrote Jolene up a reference letter to help her get Senior Resident, so I hope that goes well for her. She’s currently wearing a shirt that says, “New Balls Please.”
I have no idea what that means. The reading today is on avoiding self-pity. Brenda is currently stumbling through the second reading at a snail’s pace.
Poor girl.
She doesn’t read very well.
Mr. Big hasn’t shown himself yet today…I wonder what he thought of my reference letter for Jolene. Jo has been bitching a lot lately about how much trouble she’s been in impotently. It’s super annoying. She got herself in the situation she’s in, and she’s still asking everyone for their pills!!
Sugar Momma told me the other day that she told staff about the drug seeking. I told her to, and I’m glad she did, because it’s got to stop! Just won’t let it die and be overwith!
Brenda is talking about how much she likes Family Guy. This is taking forever. Now Jo is bitching about how much stuff she has to do before tomorrow.
Lord have mercy.
10am
I need to put in my resume at the Public Defender! Their paralegal retired! I didn’t even think of that! The Big Boss brought it up!
Great idea!
11am
Blech. Now my useless caseworker’s here.
1pm
Jolene is the new Senior Resident, and she’s desperately trying in vain to run a group on positive thinking. Oh good, Mr. Big took over.
- Start your day with cheers and smiles.
- Ask for guidance–pray!
“Id rather have an enemy that slaps me in the face than a friend who stabs me in the back.” –Honesty
- Plan
- Set goals and prioritize
- Be detached from the outcome
- Try new things and challenges
“Worrying is paying a debt on a balance you may never owe.”
- Balance your desires
- Be realistic
- Keep track of your mental and physical health
- Love yourself
- Laugh
- Associate with positive people
- Make it a habit to ask questions
- Be open
- Trust in other people
- Learn from experience
- Count your blessings
- Kiss your worries goodbye
- Forgive and forget
- Keep a list of your goals and actions
Bible:
Isaiah:
“Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid; for the Lord God is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation.”
7:30pm
We’re on our way to my meeting and the AA meeting in Coudersport. The Resident Worker, Tammy, thought that it would be a good idea if everyone went to my grief group instead of the AA meeting. Unexpectedly, Tori started gushing tears and getting super upset at the thought of going to my group. She lost a baby, Brayden, at six months pregnant. I’m not sure how long ago that was. It made me realize how much pain she’s still in. I guess today in court, the judge asked her how many kids she had, and it was a real trigger for her.
Bereaved parents never know what to say when they’re asked this question. There’s a song on the radio saying, “That which doesn’t kill me, will only make me stronger.” They don’t know whether to include the dead child along with their live ones, because when they do, it makes people uncomfortable, but when they don’t, it feels like a betrayal to the deceased child, negating their existence altogether.
I hope Tori knows how strong she is, and how much she is loved. She told me Brayden died eight years ago. That’s not very long. It is still fresh for her, an open wound.
8pm
Meeting–
This guy is talking about having his ego stroked and said, “Ask God to make me the kind of man my dog thinks I am.”
“You cannot shake a hand with a clenched fist.”
“I don’t let people walk through my mind with dirty feet.”
“And eye for an eye would make the whole world blind.”
“Be the change you want to see in the world.”
–Ghandi
11pm
We got two new women today, one just a half an hour ago. I guess she’s in her room doing some non-stop jerky-movements. June demonstrated for me. Jolene just gave me a book titled “Forgive and Forget,” by Lewis B. Smedes.
Hm.
It’s copyright 1984. Since we got this NEW woman just now, the staff sent us all to our rooms, so of course Tori and I and June played cards in the middle of the hallways sitting on the floor and singing songs.
It was fun.
I love Tori so much.
She’s probably one of the best friends I’ve ever had. On the way home from the meeting, we talked about the children we lost, and how it has affected us.
It was good.
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