Tag: christmas

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Letters from Coach, and God Stuff

MUNCY STATE PRISON

December 26th, 2018

Wednesday

Oh no.

Ellen is heartbroken.

She came back from Commissary and Tom the CO thought she was smuggling in something, so he told her to unbutton her jacket. She did, and he said, “Oh, it’s just your stomach.”

What!!!!

She almost cried, poor girl.

She’s reliving it over and over. Time for us to diet! Too bad I got donut sticks. After those, we’ll diet.

She says her pride got flushed down the toilet.

Later–I don’t feel good today–I slept a lot. I got Commissary–yay!

“The Word Among Us” is about the prophet Stephen. “So turn to the [Holy] Spirit in prayer today. Ask him to help you, as he helped Stephen, to ive the life of joy, peace, and conviction that Stephen lived.”

“Beside the Still Waters” says, “Grace, dear Lord, grace Dear Lord, to sweetly obey Thy will; May self be slain, Thy will remain, O help me Thy law Fulfill.” 

–Ross Minkler

The final thought of “God With Us” says, “…faith is not something you wait for like a letter in the mail. Rather, faith is something you step out on, like a bridge over a raging river.”

So, Ellen just heard this on the radio: This NASA engineer was tired of people stealing his Amazon packages, so he rigged fake packages with glitter and fart bombs.

Funny.

Now I’m reading, “Unmask the Predators: The Battle to Protect Your Child. It’s about a family whose daughter is victimized by somebody from their church, and a “story of triumph over tragedy.”

Hm.

Ellen and I are talking about how much we miss being touched. Even hugs and stuff. I’m terribly lonely. 

“In America today an estimated 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually abused by the age of 18.”

That is horrifying.

“The enemy pursues me, he crushes me to the ground; he makes me dwell in the darkness like those long dead.”

–Psalm 143:3

Bedtime–Ellen and I have been talking for an hour about our pasts, God, the devil, and our future plans. She wants to be a motivational speaker and a drug and alcohol counselor!

I think that’s awesome.

December 27th, 2018

Thursday

We got eight new people on H Unit today. Ellen’s bonding with the new one across the hall–she’s Southern. Tiger’s birthday is tomorrow.

“The Word Among Us” is about how Jesus loves us like he loved the disciple John.

“Beside the Still Waters” is about knowing when to talk and knowing when to keep silent.

“Would men know you’ve been with Jesus? Can they feel His presence near? As with them you joy and labor, As with them you journey here?”

–Ernest Sellers

I’m going to read, “Autobiography of a Face” by Lucy Grealy. It’s about a woman who overcame cancer at a young age, but then had to have half of her jaw removed, and her life afterward.

Later–

Coach wrote me!!

Justine!!!

What a great gift you gave me for Christmas! I’m sorry I’m writing to you in prison, but I’m so blessed to hear from you and I know you are doing okay. You have been on a crazy road!

I remember finding you on Youtube–I think it was from Canada and hearing and feeling your words and your pain. I have not read Kidowed yet. I gave away my Kindle and haven’t gotten another yet. I was hoping to get a hard copy of it–and have you sign it! It sounds like I may have more opportunities for that. I love the title, “Putting the Shovel Down,” and I can’t wait to read it. You have a heartbreaking story, but an amazing gift. When you put them together, and put GOD first, you have a story that can change lives–you have a story that inspires–you have a story that shows Romans 8:28 in action– “And we know that in all things GOD works for the good for those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.”

I also love the 50:20 rule. It refers to Genesis 50 verse 20. A long time ago, when Joseph was young, his brothers were going to kill him, but sold him to Egyptians. Through many twists and turns, Joseph ended up being the second man in Egypt. Time passed but he ended up being face to face with his brothers, and in Genesis 50:20 Joseph said, “You intended to harm me, but GOD intended it for good to accomplish what is being done, and the saving of many lives.”

Doesn’t that sound like you?

The enemy intended to harm you–to destroy you, but GOD is going to use all of it to save others. 

Perhaps I should get wristbands that say 50:20 Rule, what do you think?

Are you okay now?

Do you have support–friends, family, money?

What can I do to help you through this?

Please ask and I’ll help if I can. We’re in this life together–plus, you’re amazing!

I’m not sure if you’ve run into any girls from Blair County Prison, but they may know me. Natalie comes to mind. Actually, she referred a girl to me from Potter County who wants to get out and help people with this addiction problem. She indicated the lack of help in her area–Potter County–Austin, PA–isn’t that where you are from? Do I remember the town Coudersport coming from your mouth?

The girl’s name is June and I just wrote to her a couple days ago. I sent her some info on Potter County and places to help.

I think so many agencies give good lip service to help, but I think it’s up to all of us to make a difference.

In talking about defeating the enemy, Revelation 12:11 says, “They overcame him (the enemy) by the blood of the Lamb (Jesus) and by the word of their testimony.

Our testimony is our story and we can all use our overcoming stories to defeat the evil in this world.

Do you notice I still talk too much?

All is well with me. Tess and I go to Cove [Forge] with women on Monday and I go on Wednesday with guys. I go to prison and Adephoi Village and wherever else the LORD leads. I don’t know whether I help or make a difference. I just want to get people to the LORD–He’s the one who can change hearts.

All I know is that I am so blessed to meet so many amazing people–like you!

I included a copy of my Bible Study notes from last week. Read through them and the Scriptures–see if you can figure it out!

I also hope you can read my writing!

A special thanks to Paul, who messaged me. Feel free to write or call anytime.

I’ve got to go for now. I talk a couple places tomorrow and need to get my head together.

Listen, you are a great blessing! I am so happy to hear from you. Again, let me know if I can help. I’ll walk with you as long as you want me to.

I’m sorry you’re in jail for Christmas, but Merry Christmas anyhow! It’s a time for new hope. Do you know that a new beginning always starts with a dead end?

Justine–believe!

We’re collecting socks for those in shelters so we put up a tree and decorated it with lights and socks.

Seems like the right thing.

I will be praying for you for sure.

God Bless your days!

LOVE ALWAYS!

Coach

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! New Beginnings!!!

My return letter:

12/27/18

Coach!

I have had an amazing day today–first you wrote me, and second–God put a woman in my life today that needed me and I helped her!

Her name is Laticia, and by God’s grace, we ended up sitting together at dinner tonight–she just got on H Unit, and is a couple cells down from me.

Her story is that she lost a baby in January of 2018 to pneumonia, and she is currently pregnant again. Her cellmate had told her to talk to me because she is having a very hard time with her grief, but she didn’t know who I was, and then we ended up sitting together out of 100 people in this Unit!

I was amazed.

We talked and talked, and we both cried and she felt better afterward. I told her about Kidowed and suggested that she journal her feelings.

Anyway, it turns out that she has no one to send her money, so I thought I would ask you–we have to pay for EVERYTHING here–even for basic necessities.

I even have to pay for my lupus meds.

Anyway, if you feel so inclined, can you help her with money? Her name is Laticia, and her number is #. If you want, you can send money to me too, but I have the basics right now.

Thank you!

Anyway, I am doing reasonably well, considering, and attending church and NA meetings regularly.

Thank you for including your Bible Study notes–I’ll be sure to do my homework!

I’ve read several spiritual books since I’ve been here, even Pope John Paul II’s book! I have a lot of time for reading, writing, meditation, and prayer.

I will probably be here until mid-February, then I get transferred to Quehanna and then rehab–I’m not sure where.

Then I have to do a halfway house, and then finally home.

The SIP program is 24 months long total.

Paul is working on sending Kidowed to publishers for me, so that it can be more widely distributed. Please say a prayer for me that somebody accepts it!

Thank you so much for your very uplifting letter–it made my day 🙂. 

I think 50:20 Rule wristbands are a great idea. 

I have some support–my mother and father have written and sent pictures of my kids, and Paul writes me. My ex-brother-in-law, Stryder, who called the police on me, has also written a couple times.

He said he was sorry, but I am having a hard time forgiving him.

It’s just so hard being away from my kids for so long for something so stupid.

Any advice?

My cellmate, Ellen, is smart and funny, and we get along great, thankfully.

I am from Coudersport, yes!

However, I do not know either of the women you were talking about.

I do know of several great meetings in Potter County, though–maybe I’ll look her up on FB when I get out.

And no, you don’t talk too much and yes (!!), you do make a difference!

You are a very moving speaker.

Thank you for watching my Youtube video–that was in 2012. 

I don’t have money for the phone, but I’ll certainly write you! It takes about two weeks for your letters to reach me, because they have to go through Florida first.

I loved your sock tree idea, and the picture you drew–it made me laugh.

And I hope you had a wonderful Christmas–mine was good–there was a very nice Catholic Mass here with singing and bells and a good sermon.

I do believe that this is my new beginning–I have resolved to let the old depressed, self-pitying me go and start anew with a better outlook on life.

Certainly, meeting Laticia today was a sign from God, an opportunity to help someone. I talked to her a little bit about God, but she said that she doesn’t believe, although she did talk about her baby being in Heaven.

That made me sad, and I didn’t really know what to say.

Do you have any advice?

I want to help her in any way that I can, and her grief is about to be compounded, because this new baby is due in April, and she will have to give him to her mother. She got into drugs when her previous son died, and that kept her from grieving, so now she doesn’t know what to do with her feelings.

I told her talking about it is the first step, even if it is upsetting and makes her cry–it’s necessary to move through grief.

I’m going to try to get her to go to church with me, and the NA meetings offered here.

Let me know what you think!

Thank you, thank you, thank you for writing me, and for your prayers.

God Bless you!

Love, 

Justine

Bible Study–Week of 12/10/18

Psalm 37:1-8

Of David

Fret not yourself because of evildoers;

Be not envious of wrongdoers!

For they will soon fade like the grass and wither like the green herb.

Trust in the LORD and do good;

Dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.

Delight yourself in the LORD,

And he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the LORD;

Trust in him, and he will act.

He will bring forth your righteousness as the light,

And your justice as the noonday.

Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for Him;

Fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, 

Over the man who carries out evil devices!

Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath!

Fret not yourself, it tends only to evil.

For the evildoers shall be cut off,

But those who wait for the LORD shall inherit the land.”

See notes: 

Do not’s: fret, worry, be angry

→ Trust in the LORD–God can handle it.

→ Do good –life is about choices.

→ Delight yourself–quiet time every day

→ Be still–wait patiently–do all you can do to relax

→ Bombarded with noise–news, blogs, social media–go to the Bible

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Christmas Love Letters, Smut Stories, and Jesus Christ Almighty

December 25th, 2018

CHRISTMAS DAY

Notebook begins on the latter half of a letter from Paul:

“ –sand down a new surface where the chip was and paint it gloss black.

Today’s 30 Days of Fishmas post was a picture of this nutcracker in mid-drilling. A giant drill bit brace sticking out of its head with the caption, ‘I swear to God that there is a good reason for drilling into its head.’

Seriously, how often do you see that??!?!

I typed your letter to Coach and sent it to him just now. I included your proper mailing address for letters in the letter and told him who I was, where you were, and how to get ahold of you.

You did a very nice job writing your letter to him.

I will, of course, support you in whatever you choose to do with your life, and will do my best to help out. After calculating costs over time, I decided that it’s still actually cheaper for me to outsource copies and printing elsewhere for cheaper. 

I apologize I haven’t gotten around yet to sending out Kidowed to the second publisher on your list. My plan of action is to head to the library, print out the 30 pages from the first two chapters that I sent to the last publisher, and keep those with the master hard copy of the manuscript that you left here with me. Any additional copies of the manuscript, I discovered, I can take to KOS (office supply store locally) and have them make copies at $0.10 per page, which is cheaper than the copy machine at the Post Office ($0.15/page), and cheaper than the library ($0.25/page).

I just have to gather the time to do this.

I apologize again.

Don’t lose hope if things are going slowly where you are and here as well I’ll continue to do my best and work in your best interest as long as you trust me. 🙂

Debbie [woman who drinks next door and lives with her parents–she’s in her 50’s–that Paul has been pining for since Jesus was a baby] is doing well, for what it’s worth. She made a good friend with the new bartender at the Crittendin. Debbie’s mom has good days and bad days. Debbie herself is trying to handle drama where she works at the Millstream Inn.

Bitchy coworkers and catty assholes.

My job at the bank is kind of the same, but MUCH MORE MELLOW, which is good for me. We are having our office Christmas party next Monday at Mosch’s Tavern, which is where we had it last year.

Our boss insists on having these parties at our customer’s place of business, which is understandable, except I don’t really care for their food or atmosphere. I may skip out this year, or feign ignorance (i.e., “Omg, I fucking forgot about the party, idk what I was thinking….awwwww…..shit)/

Occasionally, I’ll see Din at the bank, who asks about you. I eventually told him you were in prison, which at that point he became a broken record of his own thoughts.

He said the smokes he got for you he went ahead and smoked.

I told him that it was good he didn’t let them go to waste. So he asked about you at least. I didn’t tell him anything else other than where you were. He said he keeps trying to call your parents’ house to say hi to your kids cause he misses them, but they won’t answer.

All this month, a group of gamers that I watch on the Internet are doing a charity livestream event for Christmas. From Dec. 1st to the 31st, they will be broadcasting and asking for donations for different charities. I donated a small amount of money to one of the charities, The Mental Health Foundation. This is one of eight charities they recommend, but there are many others to choose from.

So far, their total donations as of the writing of this letter are $2,659,817.55.

The entertainment they provide is a welcome escape from all of the BS that life throws at me during Christmas. I wish you could be here to experience some of the crazy shit I come up with. 😛

It’s coming up on 6pm as I’m writing this last sentence. I miss you and love you! I’m glad you entrusted me with the duty of writing a letter to Coach and to get your manuscript to publishers.

And I’m assuming that you got the $50 in your Commissary from the check you got in the mail. I’ll send you more soon when my next paycheck comes in. Do let me know if there is anything else I can do for you.

I MISS YOU AND LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

WRITE ME A STORY TO READ!!!!!!!!!!!

I didn’t get a chance to write part two of the story I sent you. I hope it wasn’t too inappropriate for you while you are still there, I figured something different and erotic might be enjoyed by you. I’ll get Part Two to you soon!

Love you and miss you!

I normally would say Merry Christmas (I just did), but I know being there is not the ideal environment. 

I’ll be thinking of you!

LOVE YOU!

Paul

My return letter:

12/24/2018

Paul, 

I got your letter today, and thank you so much for writing! I got no mail last week, so I was very glad you wrote. I’m sorry you’re so busy. I’ll be the nutcrackers at the bank are a sight to see.

I love it when you’re all dressed up like an Englishman, you always look so distinguished. 

I hope your mother feels better soon, and I know what you mean about not be used to interacting with her that much. It’s a lot that you’re doing right now!

Thank you SO much for all of the help with publishing Kidowed, I appreciate it more than I can express. 

My cellie is currently pretending she wants to lick my foot. 

She’s all wound up. 

Now she’s twerking.

Christmas twerking, she says.

And farting.

She’s probably the most gassy person I’ve ever met. Now she’s yelling out the window to a CO–she’s about to be in trouble.

*sigh*

I’m staying out of it.

There’s what looks like a full moon tonight and it’s pretty.

What did you do for Christmas?

Please send the money from the check from the Artisan Center to my JPay account–thank you!

I think it’s funny you had to drill a hole in the nutcracker’s head to fix him.

Thank you also for sending the note to Coach–he’s a really good guy.

I asked my parents if they had an extra printer for you, but they said no. Thank you for supporting me, it means the world to me, and of course I trust you!

Please don’t apologize for anything, I appreciate everything you do for me.

Tell Debbie to hang in there, there’s drama at every workplace.

About Din, there’s not much to say about him. My parents are never going to answer the phone for him, but he’ll probably keep calling until the end of time.

About the publishing–the requirements for each company are different–you will probably have to go on their websites and check to see what they want–some of them might take digital copies.

Did you go to the Christmas party for your work?

Congratulations on donating to charity!

You’re so good. I wish I was there to experience the crazy shit you come up with too.

Ellen, my cellie, is calling the CO a garden gnome and a Chihuahua.

Oh my.

Time for bed.

I’ll write more tomorrow.

12/25/2018

Merry Christmas!

I hope you have a very good day. Last night Ellen couldn’t sleep, so she kept me up talking for a while–she had the worst gas! 

Then she started singing, “You’re Gonna Miss Me When I’m Gone,”  except she changed the words to, “You’re gonna miss me by my gas, you’re gonna miss me by my ass, yeah, you’re gonna miss me when I’m gone…”

It was funny.

There’s a CO here she calls “Little GI Joe” who uses big words for ordinary things, like he’ll say, “Why is your illuminating device on after 2100 hours?” which means, “Why is your light on after 9pm?”

Or, “Why are there clothes on your climbing apparatus?” (ladder)

We make fun of him endlessly.

We joke about what he would sound like if he were talking dirty: “Oh, yeah, climb up on my apparatus, baby.”

Ha ha.

Here’s my story for you:

He took her in his arms, and she shivered with desire. She raised her hand to his face and he caught it midair and placed a kiss tenderly in her palm. Her mouth hungrily sought his, and he kissed her deeply, roughly.

She reached down to feel his engorged shaft, and he growled into her mouth. Her body was begging for passion, driving him crazy.

He slid her silken gown from her body and took one of her nipples into his hot, greedy mouth, sucking gently.

“Oh, please…” she breathed into his ear.

“Tell me what pleases you, and I will give it all to you,” he responded.

She swallowed hard.

Gathering her courage, she purred, “Just touch me.”

He rumbled with soft laughter, and the promise of infinite passion. 

“Oh, I’m gonna touch you, baby,” he said, running his tongue up her neck…

To Be Continued!

BAM! How do you like them apples? 🙂

I hope to hear from you soon!

I miss you!

I love you!

Love, 

Justine

P.S. Please tell Jackson [first real boyfriend in college, still good friends] where I am and give him my address. 

Thanks!

Can you tell I just finished reading a romance novel? 

Ha ha, we’ll see how he likes THAT story.

Church in one hour–I think I’ll lay down. For Christmas Lunch we had a slice of cardboard roast beef, stuffing, watery mashed potatoes, green beans, and apple pie.

Wowzers.

I’m glad I went.

Time for Catholic Mass.

Back from church–it was a very nice service. The sermon was very moving–about how God made Christmas, not us.

I guess I’ll read, “Abba’s Child:”

“The Christian commitment is not an abstraction. It is a concrete, visible, courageous, and formidable way of being in the world and forged by daily choices consistent with inner truth.”

“The one who talks, especially if he talks to God, can affect a great deal, but the one who acts really means business and has more claims on our attention. If you want to know what a person really believes, don’t just listen to what he says, watch what he does.”

–James Mackey, the author of Jesus: The Man and the Myth

“Servanthood is not an emotion or mood or feeling; it is a decision to live like Jesus. It has nothing to do with what we feel; it has everything to do with what we DO–humble service.”

“The call to the servant lifestyle is both a warning not to be seduced by the secular standard of human greatness and also a summons to courageous faith.”

“If you want to know what God is like, look at Me. If you want to learn that your God does not come to rule but serve, watch Me. If you want assurance that you did not invent the story of God’s love, listen to my heartbeat.”

–Jesus

“We are to act justly, to love tenderly, and to walk humbly with our God (Micah 6:8). We are to claim our belovedness each day and live as servants in the awareness of present risenness.”

“What matters is how your life looks when you hold it up to the light of the gospel of the God whose nature is to love all of humankind.”

–Edward Schillebeeckx, For the Sake of the Gospel.

After dinner–

Dinner was hot dogs. 

Gross.

Gaylord (CO Big Words) wouldn’t let Ellen go to Common Room tonight because she was on the toilet when he called it–stupid.

Where’s the Christmas spirit, dude?

She gets a cigarette from somebody at 7:15pm, so she’s happy.

I mailed Paul’s letter, so that’s good.

I wonder if Coach will write me.

 I hope he does.

Back to my book:

“When I’m conscious of my belovedness and when I am alert to the present risenness of Jesus, I can face death courageously.”

“The love of God is not a mild benevolence but a consuming fire.”

–Bede Griffiths

“The engaged mind, illuminated by truth, awakens awareness; the engaged heart, affected by love, awakens passion…The integration of mind and heart shapes a unified personality living in a state of PASSIONATE AWARENESS.”

“According to Viktor Frankl [Holocaust survivor], a person finds identity only to the extent that ‘he commits himself to something beyond himself, to a cause greater than himself.’”

“Humility, recovering alcoholics like to say, is stark raving honesty.”

“The Cross reveals that Jesus has conquered sin and death and that nothing, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, can separate us from the love of Christ.”

“The release from chronic egocentricity starts with letting Christ love them where they are.”

“When Jesus told us to love our enemies, He knew that His love operation in us could melt the hardened heart and make the enemy our friend. This applies supremely, H.A. Williams writes, to the enemy within. For our own worst enemy is always ourselves.”

I must go to bed.

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Heroin, Christmas, and Hair Dye

December 22nd, 2017 

Friday

Day 172

Mr. Big isn’t here today. I told him I needed to talk to him after the meeting last night, but he didn’t make himself available to me at all, which I am mad at him for. I needed to talk to him because there’s this little girl. This sweet little blonde haired, blue-eyed girl at Crossroads named Barbie. She’s meek and mild and sweet and wonderful and people feed her drugs because they think that it’s funny to exploit her. She relapsed last week, and showed up at Crossroads this week broken and ashamed and scared, and all I wanted to do was hug her and tell her that was scary, right? So let’s never, ever, EVER do that again, okay, please?

She started with marijuana, reasoning that it wasn’t meth (her drug of choice), so it was okay, and then ended up doing a lot of other drugs on top of that, blacked out, and drove, and had sex…it was bad. 

But somehow she made it back to Crossroads, where I asked her why on EARTH she hadn’t gone to the meeting Tori and I told her about two weeks ago. She looked down and quietly whispered something about working a lot, and I fairly shouted, “Meeting makers make it! If you have time to get high, you have time for meetings!!”

This asshole drug dealer was texting her pictures of pills as we were talking. I talked to her as much as I could, and asked her if, wouldn’t it be nice, in 20 years, she could say to somebody: You know why the last time I relapsed was my last time? It was 2017, and I was 19 years old, and I took all these drugs and blacked out and did all these things and realized that this was not a way to live, but a way to die? Oh girl, I’m so scared for you…I don’t know what else to do, didn’t know what else to do, so I gave her my number here at the Center and have been praying ever since that if she were to call, that somebody would give the phone to me! 

AND THAT’S WHY I NEEDED TO TALK TO MR. BIG!! 

LIFE AND DEATH!!

I don’t know why, but Barbie and I connect on some sort of deep level, and I can’t change that and I care about her and I want her to do well…she has two jobs and is taking classes…poor girl. I don’t even know that she’s tackled Step One.

But Mr. Big isn’t here today. And it’s Friday, so he won’t be back until Monday. So I’m furious. And scared, with my stomach in knots hoping, HOPING that she can make it through this weekend without using, or if she does call, then somebody will put her through to me.

Pink surprised me again and wrote a sincere and smart essay on respect–1000 words! It was awesome, and she asked me to read it last night. She seems to really be on the road to wanting to make progress. I hope she can walk the walk.

We’re watching “Save the Last Dance” right now. Slumber party day. Everybody’s sick and I’m sore as hell–hope I didn’t catch the flu–even my shoulders hurt.

Oh. Gert’s making us do group–Nickolai is being grumpy about it. Securing Housing Participant Workbook–this should be fun. I can’t breathe out of my nose. Oh, listen to this–over fifty years ago, the United Nations issued a Declaration that having a home is a basic human right. 

Huh.

Then there’s reality.

A movie on finding houses–hm. It has a bunch of people talking on it about being homeless.

Well, that’s not helpful at all.

Gert asked me my input and I told her–being poor is a full time job. I know. I did it.

Group over. New group on following rules. Nickolai says that this essay she has to write on following the rules makes her legs restless and her blood itch. She says she wants to scratch her veins. Crafts do that to me. I hate crafts. What a pointless, idiotic thing to do. I know, that’s mean. I hate crafts. Nickolai does too. Twenty more minutes left in this group–it’s dragging really bad. Now Pink is reading her (brilliant, I think) essay on respect to the group.

Joey left today–stupid probation wouldn’t let her go to Florida to be with her family on Christmas, so she has to spend it in Potter County all by herself, poor girl. She says she’ll call us with her address, though, so I’ll have to write her. 

December 23rd, 2017

Day 173

Saturday

1pm


Red gave me the nicest gift for Christmas!! A wooden sign with my favorite Bible verse on it!!! And a necklace! How super nice of her! Omg I’m so grateful!

I slept all day on the couch in the Common Room–I’ve been in a lot of pain today and yesterday. We’re watching a movie about Ray Charles with Jamie Foxx in it.

It’s good.

Today’s been pretty awesome actually. I got to sleep, lunch was good, and now a movie with a great Christmas gift! Merry Christmas to me! I only wish I could get ahold of the kids. I called everybody’s home and cell phones–no answers. I talked to Tiger yesterday, but she didn’t feel good and didn’t say much. Pink has been bullying Tori lately, which I didn’t know about. Tori told me today. I’m going to have to talk to Pink about it somehow, but I don’t want Tori to get the backlash.

Bitch.

December 24th, 2017

Day 174

Sunday

Christmas Eve.

December 25th, 2017

Day 175

Monday

Christmas Day at the Women’s Center. Who would have thought I’d be here for Christmas.
Happy birthday, Jesus.

I made homemade stuffing for lunch, which is weird because there’s not turkey to go with it. 

Ham.

Yuck.

We’re watching “Flight” in the break room. Nickolai has been sleeping all day. I was going to wake her for a cigarette, but she looked so peaceful I didn’t. The weather is bad–very windy and snowy. 

Slammy and Gert are on today–it makes me feel bad that they have to work on Christmas.

December 26th, 2017

Tuesday

Day 176

4pm

Dyeing my hair. Back to blonde. Mr. Big is still here for some reason and he won’t give me the scissors so that Torie can cut my hair. 

I’m pissed. 

8pm

In house NA meeting–Nickolai is super pissing me off right now–she’s throwing a fit because we couldn’t go to an outside meeting and she just won’t stop. I mean–DEAL with it, woman!! She’s acting like a child and I’m so disappointed in her behavior that her negativity is rubbing off on me–which PISSES ME OFF.

She’s better than that.

I told her to put her Big Girl Pants on and stop whining about it, but she just WON’T. 

Ugh. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr………………

Anyway, now Tori’s telling her story because she has six months clean on Saturday. Tori beats herself up for not being there when her daughter was a newborn. She’ll have to forgive herself at some point. She was introduced to Vicodin at 14, for God’s sake. She got clean and stayed clean for years, but when she relapsed, it was with heroin. “I was sick and tired of being sick and tired,” she said. Now she’s talking about how happy she was to get her ass back when she started to gain weight at the Women’s Center.

Of course, being so thin that you can count your ribs is not funny.

Good meeting.