christianity – Love, Justine

MUNCY STATE PRISON

December 26th, 2018

Wednesday

Oh no.

Ellen is heartbroken.

She came back from Commissary and Tom the CO thought she was smuggling in something, so he told her to unbutton her jacket. She did, and he said, “Oh, it’s just your stomach.”

What!!!!

She almost cried, poor girl.

She’s reliving it over and over. Time for us to diet! Too bad I got donut sticks. After those, we’ll diet.

She says her pride got flushed down the toilet.

Later–I don’t feel good today–I slept a lot. I got Commissary–yay!

“The Word Among Us” is about the prophet Stephen. “So turn to the [Holy] Spirit in prayer today. Ask him to help you, as he helped Stephen, to ive the life of joy, peace, and conviction that Stephen lived.”

“Beside the Still Waters” says, “Grace, dear Lord, grace Dear Lord, to sweetly obey Thy will; May self be slain, Thy will remain, O help me Thy law Fulfill.”

–Ross Minkler

The final thought of “God With Us” says, “…faith is not something you wait for like a letter in the mail. Rather, faith is something you step out on, like a bridge over a raging river.”

So, Ellen just heard this on the radio: This NASA engineer was tired of people stealing his Amazon packages, so he rigged fake packages with glitter and fart bombs.

Funny.

Now I’m reading, “Unmask the Predators: The Battle to Protect Your Child. It’s about a family whose daughter is victimized by somebody from their church, and a “story of triumph over tragedy.”

Hm.

Ellen and I are talking about how much we miss being touched. Even hugs and stuff. I’m terribly lonely.

“In America today an estimated 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually abused by the age of 18.”

That is horrifying.

“The enemy pursues me, he crushes me to the ground; he makes me dwell in the darkness like those long dead.”

–Psalm 143:3

Bedtime–Ellen and I have been talking for an hour about our pasts, God, the devil, and our future plans. She wants to be a motivational speaker and a drug and alcohol counselor!

I think that’s awesome.

December 27th, 2018

Thursday

We got eight new people on H Unit today. Ellen’s bonding with the new one across the hall–she’s Southern. Tiger’s birthday is tomorrow.

“The Word Among Us” is about how Jesus loves us like he loved the disciple John.

“Beside the Still Waters” is about knowing when to talk and knowing when to keep silent.

“Would men know you’ve been with Jesus? Can they feel His presence near? As with them you joy and labor, As with them you journey here?”

–Ernest Sellers

I’m going to read, “Autobiography of a Face” by Lucy Grealy. It’s about a woman who overcame cancer at a young age, but then had to have half of her jaw removed, and her life afterward.

Later–

Coach wrote me!!

Justine!!!

What a great gift you gave me for Christmas! I’m sorry I’m writing to you in prison, but I’m so blessed to hear from you and I know you are doing okay. You have been on a crazy road!

I remember finding you on Youtube–I think it was from Canada and hearing and feeling your words and your pain. I have not read Kidowed yet. I gave away my Kindle and haven’t gotten another yet. I was hoping to get a hard copy of it–and have you sign it! It sounds like I may have more opportunities for that. I love the title, “Putting the Shovel Down,” and I can’t wait to read it. You have a heartbreaking story, but an amazing gift. When you put them together, and put GOD first, you have a story that can change lives–you have a story that inspires–you have a story that shows Romans 8:28 in action– “And we know that in all things GOD works for the good for those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.”

I also love the 50:20 rule. It refers to Genesis 50 verse 20. A long time ago, when Joseph was young, his brothers were going to kill him, but sold him to Egyptians. Through many twists and turns, Joseph ended up being the second man in Egypt. Time passed but he ended up being face to face with his brothers, and in Genesis 50:20 Joseph said, “You intended to harm me, but GOD intended it for good to accomplish what is being done, and the saving of many lives.”

Doesn’t that sound like you?

The enemy intended to harm you–to destroy you, but GOD is going to use all of it to save others.

Perhaps I should get wristbands that say 50:20 Rule, what do you think?

Are you okay now?

Do you have support–friends, family, money?

What can I do to help you through this?

Please ask and I’ll help if I can. We’re in this life together–plus, you’re amazing!

I’m not sure if you’ve run into any girls from Blair County Prison, but they may know me. Natalie comes to mind. Actually, she referred a girl to me from Potter County who wants to get out and help people with this addiction problem. She indicated the lack of help in her area–Potter County–Austin, PA–isn’t that where you are from? Do I remember the town Coudersport coming from your mouth?

The girl’s name is June and I just wrote to her a couple days ago. I sent her some info on Potter County and places to help.

I think so many agencies give good lip service to help, but I think it’s up to all of us to make a difference.

In talking about defeating the enemy, Revelation 12:11 says, “They overcame him (the enemy) by the blood of the Lamb (Jesus) and by the word of their testimony.

Our testimony is our story and we can all use our overcoming stories to defeat the evil in this world.

Do you notice I still talk too much?

All is well with me. Tess and I go to Cove [Forge] with women on Monday and I go on Wednesday with guys. I go to prison and Adephoi Village and wherever else the LORD leads. I don’t know whether I help or make a difference. I just want to get people to the LORD–He’s the one who can change hearts.

All I know is that I am so blessed to meet so many amazing people–like you!

I included a copy of my Bible Study notes from last week. Read through them and the Scriptures–see if you can figure it out!

I also hope you can read my writing!

A special thanks to Paul, who messaged me. Feel free to write or call anytime.

I’ve got to go for now. I talk a couple places tomorrow and need to get my head together.

Listen, you are a great blessing! I am so happy to hear from you. Again, let me know if I can help. I’ll walk with you as long as you want me to.

I’m sorry you’re in jail for Christmas, but Merry Christmas anyhow! It’s a time for new hope. Do you know that a new beginning always starts with a dead end?

Justine–believe!

We’re collecting socks for those in shelters so we put up a tree and decorated it with lights and socks.

Seems like the right thing.

I will be praying for you for sure.

God Bless your days!

LOVE ALWAYS!

Coach

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! New Beginnings!!!

My return letter:

12/27/18

Coach!

I have had an amazing day today–first you wrote me, and second–God put a woman in my life today that needed me and I helped her!

Her name is Laticia, and by God’s grace, we ended up sitting together at dinner tonight–she just got on H Unit, and is a couple cells down from me.

Her story is that she lost a baby in January of 2018 to pneumonia, and she is currently pregnant again. Her cellmate had told her to talk to me because she is having a very hard time with her grief, but she didn’t know who I was, and then we ended up sitting together out of 100 people in this Unit!

I was amazed.

We talked and talked, and we both cried and she felt better afterward. I told her about Kidowed and suggested that she journal her feelings.

Anyway, it turns out that she has no one to send her money, so I thought I would ask you–we have to pay for EVERYTHING here–even for basic necessities.

I even have to pay for my lupus meds.

Anyway, if you feel so inclined, can you help her with money? Her name is Laticia, and her number is #. If you want, you can send money to me too, but I have the basics right now.

Thank you!

Anyway, I am doing reasonably well, considering, and attending church and NA meetings regularly.

Thank you for including your Bible Study notes–I’ll be sure to do my homework!

I’ve read several spiritual books since I’ve been here, even Pope John Paul II’s book! I have a lot of time for reading, writing, meditation, and prayer.

I will probably be here until mid-February, then I get transferred to Quehanna and then rehab–I’m not sure where.

Then I have to do a halfway house, and then finally home.

The SIP program is 24 months long total.

Paul is working on sending Kidowed to publishers for me, so that it can be more widely distributed. Please say a prayer for me that somebody accepts it!

Thank you so much for your very uplifting letter–it made my day 🙂.

I think 50:20 Rule wristbands are a great idea.

I have some support–my mother and father have written and sent pictures of my kids, and Paul writes me. My ex-brother-in-law, Stryder, who called the police on me, has also written a couple times.

He said he was sorry, but I am having a hard time forgiving him.

It’s just so hard being away from my kids for so long for something so stupid.

Any advice?

My cellmate, Ellen, is smart and funny, and we get along great, thankfully.

I am from Coudersport, yes!

However, I do not know either of the women you were talking about.

I do know of several great meetings in Potter County, though–maybe I’ll look her up on FB when I get out.

And no, you don’t talk too much and yes (!!), you do make a difference!

You are a very moving speaker.

Thank you for watching my Youtube video–that was in 2012.

I don’t have money for the phone, but I’ll certainly write you! It takes about two weeks for your letters to reach me, because they have to go through Florida first.

I loved your sock tree idea, and the picture you drew–it made me laugh.

And I hope you had a wonderful Christmas–mine was good–there was a very nice Catholic Mass here with singing and bells and a good sermon.

I do believe that this is my new beginning–I have resolved to let the old depressed, self-pitying me go and start anew with a better outlook on life.

Certainly, meeting Laticia today was a sign from God, an opportunity to help someone. I talked to her a little bit about God, but she said that she doesn’t believe, although she did talk about her baby being in Heaven.

That made me sad, and I didn’t really know what to say.

Do you have any advice?

I want to help her in any way that I can, and her grief is about to be compounded, because this new baby is due in April, and she will have to give him to her mother. She got into drugs when her previous son died, and that kept her from grieving, so now she doesn’t know what to do with her feelings.

I told her talking about it is the first step, even if it is upsetting and makes her cry–it’s necessary to move through grief.

I’m going to try to get her to go to church with me, and the NA meetings offered here.

Let me know what you think!

Thank you, thank you, thank you for writing me, and for your prayers.

God Bless you!

Love,

Justine

Bible Study–Week of 12/10/18

Psalm 37:1-8

Of David

Fret not yourself because of evildoers;

Be not envious of wrongdoers!

For they will soon fade like the grass and wither like the green herb.

Trust in the LORD and do good;

Dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.

Delight yourself in the LORD,

And he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the LORD;

Trust in him, and he will act.

He will bring forth your righteousness as the light,

And your justice as the noonday.

Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for Him;

Fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way,

Over the man who carries out evil devices!

Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath!

Fret not yourself, it tends only to evil.

For the evildoers shall be cut off,

But those who wait for the LORD shall inherit the land.”

See notes:

Do not’s: fret, worry, be angry

→ Trust in the LORD–God can handle it.

→ Do good –life is about choices.

→ Delight yourself–quiet time every day

→ Be still–wait patiently–do all you can do to relax

→ Bombarded with noise–news, blogs, social media–go to the Bible

WOMEN’S CENTER

May 22nd, 2018

Day 323

12:30am

“Perspective is a giver. Comparison takes. Perspective is generous. Comparison pares down the loveliness of your life until it appears a thin shred of its former glory. Perspective carries us through life laughing. Comparison evokes cursing and frowns and grumbling.”

“Being paralyzed with fear and sadness, being rendered useless because of bitterness, only marks a victory for the enemy of my soul.”

8am

Mr. Big is already annoying people and it’s only 8am. He just told Sugar Momma, who is a bit overweight, that she could only have one serving of food per meal.

That went over well.

Judgy much, Mr. Big?

Off to grocery shopping. Back to my book:

“If I believe Jesus is Bread of Life, the Beginning and the End, if I believe Jesus adorned himself in humanity, lived a humble life, and was scorned, tortured, and crucified to make atonement for me, will I not love him with all I’ve got?”

“Bloom Where You’re Planted.”

“Shall I not honor God and enjoy all of his gifts even if some are only given for a short while?”

11am

“The Bible defines faith as the ‘confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see’ (Heb. 11.2).”

“Faith is the love not we give to God.”

“I have come to the conclusion that it does not glorify God to wallow in despondency like a pig in mud.”

“How does one go through the motions of life when death has swept through your world? It was like trying to speak, but emitting barely a squeak; trying to walk, but wading through quicksand; trying to breathe, but choking on life.”

“Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?” (Job 2:10)

“It was time to walk in everything God had destined for us, and to do it with guts.”

“And because Satan the accuser is defeated by the blood of the Lamb and the work of our testimonies (Rev. 122:11), I will offer mine.”

What she says about the night that her daughter died:

“In our bedroom in the deep of the night we held her reed-thin body, never wanting to let go. We pulled out all the horrid tubes and wrapped her in her favorite soft blanket. We covered her little bald head and wept and kissed her face over and over. Then, as we fell to our knees and worshipped God–who had given her to us and to whom she had gone–we felt the presence of angels and knew we were not alone.

I never want to do that again.”

That is profound.

I know the feeling, though–about the angels. When Ethan died, I remember leaving my apartment and walking around the block, thanking God that Ethan was not suffering any more, and there was an unseasonable warmth to the early April day, and I was so compelled to leave the House of Death that I hadn’t even bothered to put on shoes. Somehow, I knew that my family wouldn’t understand my gratitude to God, and that the oppressive weight of grief would consume me when I went back to the house, and so I stayed gone as long as I felt that I could.

2pm

Now I’m watching a video Big suggested aby a named Nicholas Vujicic who has no arms or legs. He tried to commit suicide at age 10 because he was bullied in school.

“When you don’t get a miracle, you can still BE a miracle.”

This guy talks about when God sees him when he gets to Heaven and asks him who he brings with him, how many souls.

Pretty inspiring.

Now we have to go to Parenting class. We’re talking about temperament today–how people respond to an experience. We are born with a temperament, but it is also affected by environment.

7:30pm

Oh, I had a GREAT evening! I got to plant tomatoes and peppers while 2dinner was being prepared, and I taught Tori about intestinal parasites because she wants to learn how to be a Vet Tech (which made me feel awesome–I love teaching!), and then Kat let us pick lilacs from across the street to put in our rooms!

It was fantastic.

Now, instead of a meeting we get to watch more of Nick Vujicic speaking. I thought it would be awful to stay here all day, but it wasn’t!

Huh.

Oh oh–Jo won’t get out of bed. I tried and tried and tried to talk to her, but it was Grammy who finally got her to come out.

Now Nick Vujicic speaking to a prison:

“God loves you, and yes, He has a plan…

There is hope beyond what you see…GOD DOES MIRACLES…everything I’m telling you is true…[we] are citizens of Heaven passing through…we are meant to be eternal creatures…your soul needs restoring, peace, and rest…to believe in something that you can’t see is crazy…it’s called faith…the truth will set you free…beautiful things can come from your broken pieces, when you give your broken pieces a chance…I have joy, I have truth, and I am free…I know what you need–truth, hope…you have an enemy…his name is Satan…he made you do what you did…we take responsibility for our actions…do not let Satan win…repentance is you don’t want to live in sin anymore…hate is a sin…the greatest way not to live in temptation is to not live in sin anymore…the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob…nothing ever separates you from the love of God…I want to be free and complete…thank you for making me believe that this place called Heaven is real…sin brings death…but God sent His Son Jesus who has no sin…start in the book of John…read that book three times over…tell your brothers with conviction, “NEVER GIVE UP ON GOD!”

“Life is worth living when you have purpose.”

Oh my. I yelled at Sandra finally. I have HAD it with her attitude and control issues!

10:30pm

Okay, so I apologized to Sandra for yelling at her, but I meant what I said–which was basically, “You have to follow the rules! Staff are staff and residents are residents!! YOU DON’T MAKE THE RULES!!” She just yelled delusional bullshit back to me about how her husband was going to call Candy Flotsam (the local DA) and get her out of here by tomorrow. She just got on my last nerve today when she said that she didn’t need to go to parenting classes because, “I KNOW how to take care of my kids!!”

Well.

That was the last straw for me. DON’T insinuate that I am a bad mother, because I take that shit seriously, and it took every last piece of my emotional strength not to scream, “Bitch I PROMISE you that I am a better mother than you!!!!”

She is currently in her room tearing up her write-up for trying to run meditation group by herself and on her own schedule, while yelling that she wants her money from the safe and that she’s leaving.

MmmHM.

I’d like to see that, Missus Mouth. If you were gonna go, you woulda already been gone, and that’s a fact.

Back to my book, “And Still She Laughs.”

Roman’s 8:35, 38-39

Paul– “Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? … I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow–not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the Earth below–indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.”